The Stranger Within Me

 On a busy street in London, it was he who manages to catch my attention. The very essence of his attraction is so strong it makes me look up from the nugatory* social world trapped inside my phone. Against the lifeless wall of a building, he stands there looking at me with an admiring gaze. To my surprise, the young man does not frighten me. He has a soft glow to his face. The expressions on a stranger’s face never felt more welcoming and beautiful. His dark blue coat covers him good, but it still doesn’t stop me from imagining how every muscle and bone, every part of his flesh and pint of his blood radiates with confidence, emanating so brightly it seems to bring that wall to life.
   Slowing pace, my eyes fixed on him, but he didn’t seem real. Never in my life has anyone manage to catch my attention like this. Was I imagining things? Did my mind finally start playing tricks on me? At last, he smiles at me. My heart sinks. I could feel the adrenaline rush inside my blood. The expansion of arteries make my cheeks feel warm. For once in my life, I feel good about myself. The wind is on my side today, blowing my hair back as I slowly walk toward him. Time seems to have ceased for us. My pink dress probably matches the colour of my cheeks. Everything feels perfect. I, for once, feel perfect. My body is taken over by fascination and joy, and the glow on his face becomes brighter. Using those seventeen muscles in my face, I finally feel a smile spread across my lips.
   And, that is when it all begins to spiral down. What if he notices the imperfections in my teeth? What if I am not tall enough? Would I look as good as I did from far away? What if I am unable to speak fluently? Am I good enough? I stopped walking towards this person who still had his eyes on me. Is he noticing my flaws? I struggle to breathe, all my confidence is shattered and destroyed by an ambush, laid by my flaws.
   I crawl back into my shell again. The wind leaves my side, as well. It blows against me. My hair moves along with the wind, onto my face, hiding the melancholy and distress. 
   I brush it out of my eyes, only to notice how the handsome stranger’s image is slowly fading away. That glow suddenly begins dying, like the little flicker left on a melting candle.
   With the lifeless wall back to its original mundane look, the stranger was finally gone, and so were the small hints of self acceptance inside me.
   The man was not real, he was the confidence and the self love that I lacked, the force that could drive my doubts away. That stranger was my heart speaking to me, and I was the wall. 

Author's Note

Author’s Note:
*nugatory = worthless, unimportant, inconsequential, valueless, trifling, trivial, insignificant, meaningless.
*i want to thank a special friend R. for helping me and motivating me to write everyday*
self love, acceptance and confidence is a stranger to me
dont worry its just fictional writing i'm not actually a sad person XD

Reviews

[William Liston]

Being someone who loves to study human emotions, I found this piece both insightful and well-written. It not only had a meaningful message, but communicated that message in a strong way. I enjoyed the symbolism throughout, how it developed, how it resolved at the end, and how it was reflected in the title.
Your vocabulary and syntax are also spot-on; though, I do agree with JayG's point about the word "nugatory" ... I suggest replacing it with a simpler word.

A few more points to consider:
- The sentence that begins "the expansion of my arteries" feels a bit too specific and scientific for this story. I suggest simply saying "My cheeks begin to feel warm." The same goes for the phrase "using those seventeen muscles in my face" which I think needs to be omitted.
- Watch for switching tenses. This is written in the present tense, so part of the first sentence needs to read "it *is* he who *manages* to catch my attention."

If you need more explanation, just let me know. Based on this story, you're brilliant and deeply philosophical person ... I look forward to reading more of your works.

- William Liston

[pia]

Thank you so much for your review and advice and yes i did learn about my mistakes from jayc's review !!!

[pia]

I will be sure to read your work as well :)

[Mr.Writer]

I love this pia! I really do...
This is a masterpiece and leaves messages to believe in yourself and to be confident in this world...
The imagery was fantastic as well..
Keep it up

[pia]

Thanksss shaan!!!

[aj milton]

Very creative - the symbolism of the stranger being a reflection of the barrier to self image.

[Wajiha Nayeem]

this is soo good to read...an amazing work..keep going!

[Surya]

Haha, stranger within a self ......You portrayed that feeling well..and I loved it...:)

[pia]

Thankss surya!!

[Pravir]

Masterpiece . . . this piece really deserve an applaud. I loved the way you concluded . . it left me thinking for a while. . . the best part was ur description . . . . sometimes i felt there was overdetailing but at end i was satisfied . .
One more thing first tym i m reviewing "the authors note" coloumn too. . . .it was very helpful. . . i really didnt knew the meaning of starred words and you wrote it below . . . and the best part was that you cleared that its just fiction and not ur personal issues. .
The best descrption for me was "His dark blue coat covers him good, but it still doesn’t stop me from imagining how every muscle and bone, every part of his flesh and pint of his blood radiates with confidence, emanating so brightly it seems to bring that wall to life."
I write only stories and love to read too (though i also read poems) . . . so if u write a story nxt tym . . tag me specially ,hehe . . . because the pleasure will all be mine

[pia]

Thank you so much !!

[Zephyr]

Its a different piece;)
Self love makes us whole!
I loved this work!

[pia]

Thankss neetha!!!

[Zephyr]

My pleasure....:)

[Kesha]

I really seemed to like this piece, a lot of people struggle with self-confidence and sometimes we just need another person to help us up when we're down. A great write.. I enjoyed that the man was merely a reflection of herself

[pia]

Thanks !!!

[Kesha]

You're welcome!