When I look at you

When I look at you.

 

When the waves are flooding the shore,

And I can’t find my way home any more. 

That’s when I look at you,

And hope it’s true.

When the dark has killed all light,

And I lose all sight.

That’s when I look at you,

Cause this feeling so new.

When the world is falling apart,

And can’t seem to get back to his heart.

That’s when I look at you,

I know you’ll see me through.

 

Reviews

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

great flow in such a short write!

[Sarah W. French]

Very nice poem. I like that you incorporated lyrics (i might have to do that sometime) and you used them well. I also like the simple rhyming it went well with the lay of the poem.

[Dearantlers]

I loved it! It's amazing. I've never heard of the song, but'll have to look it up.

So sorry that it took so long for me to review!

[Scottlehem]

Well Sarah you could change a few lines in this poem. It appears to me like you described blindness:
When dark has killed all light,
And I loose all sight.
That's when I look at you,

What up with that?

[Reaper]

strong poem

[No name]

I really like this piece :)

[Brenden Moran]

Great poem. It has nice flow. A few suggestions however. First, on lines 7-8 you have a fragment and it is also one that does not make much sense. Secondly line 10 does not make sense. I would try rephrasing it and not letting the rhyme control your words. Lastly, presentation is everything. Had you not requested that I read this and I came across it by myself I would not have read it due to the rough presentation. Font, style, etc rarely adds to a piece of art such as this. Find a happy medium or just go to the basic font, style, etc. Again, well done.

[Angelic Surrender]

Sweet! ^_^ I love it!

[Robbie]

This is beautiful... the only problem is the blocked coloring is too much for me... it distracts me from enjoying your lovely poem.. other than that it's nice. :)