Preface

A story of love that can last through good times and bad, and compassion for each other that could withstand even the hardest storms of life . With a few twists and turns you'll never expect !

     I look into his sky blue eyes and see love and compassion. Why can't they see that we are in love? Why can't they see that we are meant to be?

 

     Just then he whispered in my ear,"What's wrong babydoll? You look worried?"

 

     "Nothing, I'm fine." He always could look into my eyes and see into my soul. He knew I was scared and affraid for our future.

 

     He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest. He leaned down and kissed my forehead and said,"It will be okay. I won't let them take you away from me." As he spoke there was determination and fear in his voice.

     

     "I love you," I said simply. Then I looked up at him with fearfull wyes and continued,"And I always will."

 

     He put his finger to his lips and said,"I love you, too. But enough talkinf for now."

 

     We sat there for a long moment staring into each others eyes. At that moment, I realized that somehow, someway, we would get through this! out love would survive.

Author's Note

Please review truthfully and honestly !

Reviews

[Through the Gateway]

There's not much here. It's a good start, but it doesn't grab me emotionally. Really thicken it up. Show us how the characters are in love. Build the tension for us.

The second and third sentences are a little confusing. Because of the first sentence, when you are talking about "they", it sounds like you are talking about his eyes. You need to clarify.

A good start, but it needs work.

[Voice11]

Again, a good start. It needs more detail, to actually have it make a little sense.

[Banished]

So far i think this would make a good intro to a bigger story.

I am slightly confused as to what is going on...but then again that is probably the point :)

I really think you should continue this.
my only suggestions would be to check your spelling because you have a few typos in there and to avoid cliche topics. I know it really isn't my place to decide because you are the writer, but with these forbidden love stories you really have to do something to make your story stand out from the rest. You know what i mean?? There are tons and tons of writers picking up the whole forbidden love theme. Do something interesting to make yours original and better than the rest.

[Cassandra D.]

There wasn't a lot of detail of the setting. And...there were a few mispelled words. But other than that, it was great. But, if i were you, I'll do a bit work.

[Jemma]

Great start to what should be an amazing book. I have as you know discussed ideas for charters with you. And i can't wait to find out what you come up with.
Great write and thanks for joining my new group.

[lawrence bear]

good start, now i want to read more. good job, need some spell checking, but its very good. you have talent. add more please.

[Randal Bright]

This is very nice :) I love it! I want to read more as you continue writing! It's only a draft, right? I always have to use spell check on my stuff because I type so fast and will sorta fumble through things. :P You're very talented!

[The Silk Poetess]

honestly? do a spell check....not being rude...you asked for honesty.

[Voice]

this sounds like it will be great i can wait to read more!!!!

Voice

[Tina Kline]

I thought this was very well written. And you left
a very nice cliff hanger! I want to know what happens
next and why they were in the situation they were in.
You have a very good beginning here!
Keep writing!

Tina