Senile

In a house
Filled with love
And forgetfulness

Embodies the life
Beyond life, you see.
As they cripple
Unaided

Their pain still lingers
Their souls are broken
Unknown for eternity
But still they�ve tried
To be alive
For such reason
We don�t know

They wanted love
For the last time
Even they are inside
Among the others
Weak and feeble
Without any real family

They cry for a reason
Of pain
Physically
But deep inside
We don�t know

They eat
For a reason of usual pleasure
They still breathe
For they still want to live
And they sleep
Eagerly, their reasons
For life will end�

Ultimately

Reviews

[Dante Balsote]

"They still breathe, for they still want to live..." Such statements pertain to the will and a sense of responsibility. And only a few can deliver it to actuality. There is sadness looking at the old. But are they really lost? No. They are forever stored in the past.

"I will carry this suture
Into the future.
The past never passes
It simply amasses."

[Cade]

Their pain still lingers
Their souls are broken
Unknown for eternity
But still they�ve tried
To be alive
For such reason
We don�t know


They cry for a reason
Of pain
Physically
But deep inside
We don�t know

For so many people, these two stanzas are so very true. You wrote this with tremendous passion and with a familar format but still was able to keep a tremendous amount of originality..

Great piece

Cade

[Katie Foutz Voss]

This is all too familiar too me. I understand it, understand the pain of senility, and wish I didn't. My grandmother has Alzheimers, so this hits pretty close.

[Tabitha Kaufman]

This was a bit sad, I liked the way the words just flowed out though. It was a very good write.

Thank you!

[(man)~~~~~~lol~~~~~~(dr..]

I love �Embodies the life/ Beyond life, you see." It's ambiguous but gets you thinking a few things: about the afterlife? or that they just keep reliving their lives and thoughts? because they forget? or nobody can understand them? It is setting up a good visual of the place.

"The souls are broken" ... if you think about it, and if you buy that whole heaven and God thing, what happens to people that loose who they once were? They memories? Actions? Behaviors? Are they no longer recognized for their achievements? All they've done good and bad? I wonder what the rules are for this. And what about the people that become brain dead as well...are their souls broken? Maybe people just think God corrects them once they pass on, that they are revived in their mental states previously before the illnesses.

"But still they�ve tried
To be alive
For such reason
We don�t know"
^
Good. And it can't really be known: what they've lived for, what their lives were made up of, has dissipated...

I have a suggestion:
"They wanted love
For the last time"
^ I would almost add another line that states that they want to live love...(again). Like, they want to revisit a stranger's home, or something like that. That gives it away; states they are incapable of holding onto their situations, their loves, fears, knowledge.
The last line, "without any family," can play into that part too, making it a stronger message.

"They cry for a reason
Of pain
Physically
But deep inside
We don�t know"
^
Again, playing with the heartstrings here. I like how you continuously state that we do not know what it is like for them...and we can't simply ask them to tell us...they forget and stuff.

The ending is good but chokes me a bit on reason: I get lost at this line, "Eagerly, their reasons..." They sleep eagerly (end thought?), their reasons for life will end (end of second thought?). I think that's how you meant to put it.
So it sounds something like this: the go to bed eagerly, however, soon all the reasons for why they still want to end will end with them, so we'll never know. I think I got it now.

Still doing an excellent job exhibiting the passionate and compassionate.

[J]

I can relate to this, having worked as a social worker for intellectually disabled teenagers. They wanted to be understood and loved in their own way-- as people in their own right, as people with their own story to say. But outside prejudices of them often tainted their views on 'outsiders', causing them to be aggressive and unreasoning at times. It was a hard job, but ultimately rewarding-- much like your job would be.

For that, I give you props... and this poem of yours highlights all the ups and downs old people have to deal with every day that you see.

Nicely captured :)

P.S. I don't rate, so don't feel weird about it lol.

[You Don't Know Me]

I can understand why it was featured because it is just so moving. you don't see many outside perspective in poetry (including in mine) and this is one of the reasons I was drawn in. another, was the subject matter. it touched me deeply and tugged on heart strings, because I watched my grandmother slowly deteriorate while my parents, sister and I lived with her, and in the nursing home when we couldn't take care of her anymore. I often wondered if the thought process you described in the poem is really true for most of the elderly in this or a similar situation. thank you so much for sharing this with me.

[Chas Stover]

Congrats on being featured, first of all. Secondly, I want to say that I love this piece - it's very crisp and concise and well-spoken and the like. I can tell that you feel a deep emotional attachment to your job, and I think the hospice industry as a whole needs more people like you.

Anyway. Flawless. I'm quite impressed.

[Richard Hartshorn]

I have family members that died of alsheimers...I'm not sure I agree with what you're saying here, but I'm definitely seeing that you're sympathetic toward them.

[Maxinne Marie]

WOW! Featured poem sa Writer's Cafe! Congratz! It really is beautiful. ^_^

[Maxinne Marie]

Wow. Superb. Nursing home, eh? You've depicted the sadness, pains and smiles of the senile perfectly. *Favorite*