freight train

i can't focus on this class. a million miles of thoughts are trailing through my head, and there is not a spec of room for work. it's not that i'm not interested in what were doing. nestle's effect on local cascade locks sounds fascinating. but my mind isn't there. it isn't interested in the now, it wants to travel.

but, the thick stream of thoughts isn't focusing on one moment. it's a collage of the past; a look into memories older than old and newer than the oldest. i try to focus. i try to see beyond the past experiences that are being shoved into my head. it is refusing. it is f*****g combusting in colorful patterns of my life: both the positive and the negative. the memories are pink, then black, before quickly blossoming to a deep orange, like the ripest orange.

i pass through memories of anguish, memories of clarity and discovery. situations of hopelessness and self-injury. and then... like a bell, bing! i am reliving the happiest experience of my life, and my senses are filled with pure joy. 

and then, again, as quick as a snap, despair.

Reviews

[Mockingbird]

there are times when people experience an experience like this. they get so removed mentally and emotionally from their present situation. great description of that.