Submissive Origami

The point was swans.

There were long folds bending

underneath an implication

of wings never with conscious

thought of flight, but there

were creases, triangulations

and a return to the page.

 

A sketch was tried

to suggest downy feathers,

soft submission to paddle

companionably side by side.

When that didn't work

a scissors cut away

parts of me.

 

I unfolded myself to you,

but my hands were gone,

my feet hobbled.

There was a circle

where my mouth used to be.

The sky had changed. Maybe

I was really a paper airplane.

Reviews

[Legion]

Wow! And double wow! What an excellent thought for a poem and you worded it so well. Love the flow of it and its fruition at the end. Such perfection in writing and the depth of sadness is remarkable. Everything is exquisite in this from the title to the last period. Kudos to you.

One thing to consider changing is the "a scissors...." part. Leave off the "a". It throws that line off.

This is going in my favorites.

[africa]

Very clever and original. Outstanding writing.

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

Thats so beautiful and clever Poetry, that make you think . Thanks you Yossi

[Denny]

Great visual as I read this. The words flow well..it's a good read. This poem has a different angle and it dangles well.
"There were long folds bending
underneath an implication
of wings never with conscious
thought of flight" ( my fav part)

[Tim McGovern]

Great line breaks. I would say " enjambment" but you know how much I love
that word.
The last stanza is perfect.
It plays itself like a Tim Burton cartoon in my head, both uncomfortable and beautiful, scared and hopeful.
Wonderful stuff Shemeh