The Jump Forgot to Kill Me

Stepping to the edge

My Mind begins to Spin

Thinking of the things you've done

Sticking me with pins

 

Stepping off the edge

Into eternal solitude

Knowing you'll never see me again

Must be really hurting you

or not.

 

Spinning through the air

Thinking what have I just done?

Dying for a boy

Whose love has been undone

 

Lying in the feild

Bleeding out my pain

The jump forgot to kill me

I should try again

Reviews

[Alyssa Dufresne]

I think the poem is fine at the length which it is. I'm a big Dickinson fan (short, sweet, to the point). With poetry, the point is to put as much power into as few lines as possible.

One of the best English teachers I've ever had (and I've met quite a few good ones), when asked how long the essay had to be, would always say "Write as much as you need to."

Same principle applies to poetry. ;-D Along with journal articles, books, and writing reviews.

Which is why my reviews are usually long. I have a lot to say.

I *love* the third stanza since it seems to display the thoughts of most Suicidals. I remember hearing a statistic that said "71% [ish] of people who attempted suicide by jumping off of a bridge realized once they were two-thirds down that all the problems they had could be fixed."
I noticed a typo, though. "Feild," I presume, should be "field."
And out of curiosity, why is she going to try again???

And always remember that you are loved, not necessarily that you are loved by me, but that you are loved.

-Midnight

[unspokenguilt]

I like how the or not is in a smaller font, its almost like a whisper like if saying it out loud would make it true in your eyes...it's something you do not want to believe.
Great Poem!
:) elyssa

[Aekmy]

The person under me. *shakes head.* How do you know that the suicidals figured their problems could be fixed two thirds of the way down when they jumped? Anyway.

I love this. It displases the thoughts of whomever the subject is veryy well.
Thumbs up. :]

[free ronnie radke!]

omg i really love this. i definitely know the feeling of being hurt so bad. this is amazing

[Ian]

I agree with the other writer here... I would love to see a longer piece... you know why?
Because I just love it and I would like it to be longer since is kinda short and it's so awesome... I love this piece! I want more!!!!!! I'm dying for more!!!!!! Hahahahaha... but it's wonderful the way it is right now so you don't have to make it longer...
Wow! I couldn't resist to read this when I saw the title... it all fits together so perfectly... Wonderful title!
I'm going to read this hundred of times! What more can I say? I just don't have the words to describe how I feel right now... but I have to say "thank you" this is the kind of writing I like the most! I don't know why... and it's not easy to find a good piece like this... this is one of a kind!!! THANK YOU!!! XD hahaha....
ONE OF MY FAVORITE ONES!

[We are young.]

I liked the seeting of this, and the subject, but I would also like to have a little longer piece, but it was awesome!