R.I.P. My 20's

R.I.P. My 20's

A Story by Will

Inspired by a book of obituaries written by people before their deaths. I intended this to be a farewell to my 20's but this is what happened instead.

Today you will be told a lie. You will be told that William Cameron Bolt IV Esq. is dead. That he was brutally murdered by a gang of vicious ninjas in the late hours of May 17th, 2010 hardly a full day after his 29th birthday. You will be told that he never stood a chance. That he gave up. That he ran. None of these things are true.

None of this is true because Sir William Cameron "the" Bolt didn't go out like a b***h. Not only did he take out all of those wak-a*s ninjas, but it took Darth Vader, the entire Southern Baptist University marching band, and a mutated 16ft-tall zombie George Washington to finally subdue him. Billy Dyn-O-Mite MacBolt uppercutted one ninja so hard his head turned into a ham sandwich. He kicked one ninja in the stomach so quickly that he still had time to fill out his 1040ez before anyone even knew what happened.

When Darth Vader came on the scene Grand Master Furious Boltertron stole his light saber and proceeded to make balloon puppets with it. It wasn't until Zombie George Washington showed up, with the SBU band playing 'Don't Stop Believin'' no less, that Chief Boltonious Lighthoof even broke a sweat.

Really he would have been fine but zombies fight dirty. Ol' George knew that Willaximus Callaxitrus Bolticus had a soft spot for LOLCatz and used that to gain the advantage in the fight. Distracting William with an insanely funny LOLCat (zomg you so can have that chzbrgr cute^_^/) he managed to bite him thus infecting him with the dreaded T-Virus. Well we all know that Villhelm von Blitzen der Tough hates zombies more than poorly cooked rice and as his final action on earth he rolled a natural 20 on his lucky 20-sided die and performed Kame-Hame-Seppuku leveling everything in a 20 mile radius in a blazing ball of light (think Akira)...

© 2010 Will

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lol XD love it!

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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1 Review
Added on August 27, 2010
Last Updated on August 27, 2010
Tags: Obituaries, Death, RIP, 20's, twentysomething, Funny, Silly, Darth Vader, Ninjas, Akira



Nakayama, Japan

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