Up or Down?

A satire on the relationship between men and women.

Which of you rules the land?

When it's time to go, who takes a stand?

Is it the king or the queen who sits on that throne?

Is the matter perhaps, best left alone?

When you are together, who leads the dance?

Is it the one with the dress or the one with the pants?

Who is it exactly that leads the band?

Is it the one who must sit or the one who can stand?

Are you particular regarding your undercarriage?

It's quite possible this could save your marriage.

Is it the guy or the gal who calls the shots?

When you enter not knowing, does it leave you in knots?

When it's up and not down does it make you frown?

Does it change position when you're not around?

What do you do when it's down and not up?

Do you contemplate an angry  breakup?

When you get into the car, who is it that drives?

When you don't get your way, do you feel deprived?

Are you partners or is one in control?

Who's in charge of that porcelain bowl?

When it comes to that fixture, is one of you a fanatic?

They have one now, that is automatic.

It comes with a sensor to help get it right.

Do you think that would eliminate the need to fight?

There is no reason to not have your way.

They even have one that will give you a spray.

They also have one you control with a pedal.

The one who wins gets a toilet-tissue medal.

They have one with an electric control pad.

Neither of you should walk away flushed or mad.

If things get cold, they have one that's heated.

That way neither feels left out or cheated.

Between the two of you, who wears the crown?

Should the seat be left up, or should it be let down?

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

I enjoyed every line of this write! The rhythm and rhyme is flawless and helped make the poem flow easily. You have asked questions every couple eventually needs to answer in order to keep things harmonious in the relationship. The humor is very clever! Lydi**

[Pete]

thanks Lydi. that's very sweet of you to say. much appreciated. best regards.

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSh..]

Very entertaining this is written in such an artistic way that it has a rhythm, like a song. Your message here is also melodic through out. You have me thinking. I like to believe that we coexist in a balance of give and take. Naturally, only one can lead that leaves the other to follow. The smarter of the other half may know how to lead and Rule without the official title. Great job, thank you.

Sheer Terror

[Pete]

thanks for such a thoughtful review. much appreciated.

[Hebe]

Lol.. you did it again Pete...the rhyming is perfect and the topic very funny and thought provoking. ..this is a gem..
Toilet tissue medal ...he he he...just hillarious!

[Pete]

thanks Hebe. you're too much. if you laughed, then it makes me laugh. we need to laugh in this world. best regards.

[andrew mitchell]

Haha a clever witty funny write. I think the answer lies in having two bathrooms, his and hers lol. Apart from that, in my house outnumbered, it stays down!!

[Pete]

Lol. so the queens rule in your house! thank you andrew.

[...]

Lol...entertaining and so well crafted! Nice easy flowing rhyme! Great piece Pete. Starz x

[Pete]

thank you Starz. I would have acknowledged your review sooner, but please forgive me - I was stuck in the water closet with a dilemma.

[...]

Lol...........

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Funny, entertaining, great feelings conveyed and full of great questions. This is very creative writing. I really enjoyed the read!

"The one who wins gets a toilet-tissue medal." Lol

[Pete]

thanks CVD. Had a lot of fun with this one. appreciate your read.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You're welcome! :)

[Sami Khalil]

Packed with loveliness and laughter in the truth of matters and the struggle between the sexes and who will be ruling on the toilet. An excellent one, Pete...:)..........

[Pete]

thank you kindly sir. as I say, I had a lot of fun with this despite the serious matter of relationships. appreciated.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome muchly. ...::)))))

[Tony Jordan]

Lol - required reading in the waiting rooms of all marriage guidance offices methinks. It certainly makes one ponder.
I loved the undercarriage musings - too funny...
in Texas hold 'em this is what is called a royal flush !! ;)

[Pete]

there is actually a company named royal/sloan that makes commercial flushometers. they have a product called the 'royal flush'.

[Tony Jordan]

Now way!! lol
Is it like the Queen's I wonder - you get a servant to pull the chain...?

[Pete]

the royal 'wipers'.

[Tony Jordan]

Is that the guys who sit on the roof of the Rolls Royce washing the screen in the rain... my word she has them doing everything
oh no.. I know what you meant...*bleuuuurgh* - again !!! Thank you Pete...

[Pete]

hahahahahahaha - 'undercarriage' not screen

[Tony Jordan]

Lmao - too funny
yeah, I bet she has them multi-tasking - "One has to clean one's carriages and one's 'undercarriages' " - by Royal decree

[Diamond]

Thank you for sharing this writing. I have read many jokes on this topic but putting it across artistically is a novel thought. Gave me a laugh. Good one.

[Pete]

thank you so much Queen. if I can make just one person laugh, then it was worth it. despite being humorous, there is a truthful observation about relationships.

[Diamond]

Indeed there is. You are welcome.

[D Connolly]

Very funny Pete! I have a solution, but it might not be for everyone; we each get our own throne!!

[Pete]

Come on now, be practical. I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type.

[D Connolly]

No, seriously, I fell in the other night (terrible way to wake all the way up at 2am BTW) and so I told my husband that I'm taking over the spare bathroom, and he can keep the master. Leave the throne however he wants it! I will not fall in again *raises scepter and adjusts crown for emphasis*

[Pete]

OMG. you're too much.