Pass the Cream Cheese

A case of assault and 'baglery' with a dangerous weapon ...

The rooming house where I currently live is an old hotel about a hundred years old in the worst part of the city.  It's a high crime area where many homeless and undesirable people can be found wandering about the neighborhood searching for places to squat.  

Residents each have a key to the main door of the building and another key to their respective rooms.  There is a camera in the lobby and a buzzer with an intercom to speak to staff at the front desk.  Building policy is that we should not let anyone into the building who does not live there and that guests are to be greeted at the lobby by the person being visited so that they may be admitted and escorted by the resident to their room.  There is no elevator and three floors in the building with one flight from the street to the first floor.  People will often hang around in the lobby and wait for someone to enter or exit the building and attempt to gain illicit entry when the door is opened.  They do this in attempts to sleep, drink alcohol, and use drugs or restroom facilities in the building.  This is also done by visitors of residents who are too lazy to walk down the stairs to let their guests in.

Early this morning, as I was about to exit the building, another resident who lives on the first floor was just coming in carrying bags from the grocery store.  She was wrestling with the door and juggling her bags so I held the door open so that she could come in.  There was also another person, a woman, pacing in the lobby behind her.  She was acting as if she was under the influence of something.  As the resident passed me at the door, she nervously remarked, "Quick, shut the door."  I took this to mean that the other person was a problem.

After the resident entered, I  quickly went out after she had passed with her bags, shutting the door behind me.  As I was leaving, the intruder lunged at the door behind me and began shouting and cursing me as it closed.  "I'm sorry, we're not allowed to admit strangers into the building", I said.  "There is a buzzer with an intercom and if you're here to visit someone, they must come down and open the door for you", I added.

I continued on my way down the sidewalk to the corner as she began following behind me.  "Don't slam the door in my face", she screeched.  Apparently she had been eating bagels and began throwing them at me.  Twice, I felt a bagel hit me in the back despite the cushioning of my winter coat.  "Nobody slams a damned door in my face!" she continued.  "You're nothing but a piece of white trash!"

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is an unusual piece of everyday drama! You explain everything very well & clearly, so that we can visualize it all. I'm not a fan of starting out a piece with explanations . . . how building security works (nearly half of the story) gets a little boring before the main crux of the drama begins. I would try starting the piece with a scene showing a bagel whizzing past his ear & hitting the brick wall with a splat (or some such details to convey a dynamic sensation with the sound or smell of the scene bringing things to life). But all in all, I always applaud a writer who dips into everyday truisms becuz sometimes you just can't make this stuff up! *smile* Fondly, Margie

[Pete]

no, this could not be made up. truth is stranger than fiction. "a bagel whizzing past his ear & hitting the brick wall with a splat" - Lol
excellent suggestions. thank you!

[Sarah Wilson]

lol This definately sounds like a building I used to live in! Very well written.

[Pete]

wow, i'm sorry you had to live in such a place. your time & thoughts are appreciated. thank you. :)

[Sarah Wilson]

I could definitely write a few stories like this one. It's funny cause we had the same rules with the doors it was a very old building that was once a hotel and then an old folks home then apartments. place was terrible, but now that I'm not there I can at least laugh!

[Hebe]

Hi Pete..... It does leave you wondering who the bagel woman is and what does she want? please continue... :)

[Pete]

Lol! thanks Hebe. didn't stick around to find out, just went on my way not with the wind at my back but bagels instead ...

[Hebe]

Lol .....do you know at least were she bought the bagels from!! They could knock you unconsciousness if they're frim the wrong bagel store...

[Pete]

judging from the feel of them in my back, they felt "fresh" (pun intended) ...

[Hebe]

Lol..... so this really happened ?

[Pete]

yup. couldn't make this up if i tried. not even my imagination is that good. truth can be stranger than fiction ...

[Hebe]

My dentist used to use that phrase.... everytime i had a check up ! Don't ask me why ...

[Hebe]

I have no idea...lol

[Pete]

lol. maybe he was referring to the bill for his services!

[Hebe]

Who knows.....he also had a fake tan...stranger than fiction!