I got a scar that I'm proud of

Scars.

I took a needle from my pocket

I etched a story in my skin

I took a needle from my pocket

I held it close, I made it sin

I got a scar that I'm proud of

I got a scar i can show off to my friends

I got a scar that I'm proud of

I got a scar in the shape of something beautiful

I got a scar that I made all by myself

I took a bottle from my pocket

I poured another shot of gin

I took a bottle from my pocket

I held it close, it made me sin

I got a scar that I'm proud of

I got a scar I can show off to my friends

I got a scar that I'm proud of

I got a scar in the shape of something beautiful

I got a scar that I made all by myself

I took a bullet from my pocket

I got a gun and put it in

I took a bullet from my pocket

I spun the barrel, I let it win.

Reviews

[Palewriter]

Hey Kayleen, I liked this, I think it's really good but as a musician It feels more like a blues song with its repetitive meter feel to it. As a poem I would take out the first stanza. As a song it would usually go by letters in the way it's setup. (aaba) type of thing.

If you number each stanza--1 2 3 4 5 6 and take out the first stanza you could form it as 2 4 3 6 3. In any case, you did a reall good job on this.

[Ima]

its a very very and i have to say VERY again, powerful poem.

[JRB]

thank you for the read it was nice

[Tate Morgan]

Sad so sad I often wonder what pervades anothers mind

[DiMar4u]

great write. very intense. the ever expanding depth of pain, seems like it'll never end. thanks for sharing.

[Nishant Gupta]

good one see mine too "QUEST OF LIFE".

[SilentVerses]

Beautiful, love the transgression through each piece of sin, each insignificance that you create to form so much more, beautiful first stanza, carving upon delicate flesh a story for all to see, no matter whether you hold it in scar or in ink everyone will see the autobiography, unable to shy away from what is in front of them, wonderful constant rhythm that brings through the last stanza in a shocking clarity.

[HappyTaylor]

This flows wonderfully and it's such a sad story, but I can connect to it. I feel like the repetition added a bit of playfulness and I liked it. Great write. Good job. :)

[1c3d57121ng5]

love the ending, and repetition is rather catchy (:

[E. R. Rawding]

this was great, beautiful imagery. of course, proof it for minor error(s), but they can be forgiven in something as amazing as this

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem was very good. I like the movement and the story in the words. Each set of lines making the poem stronger till the sad and surprising ending. A excellent poem. You got and held my attention till the last word.
Coyote