False Memory

A poem about a memory that my mother says is just a false memory.

It’s been ten years since that memory,
But only four since it came to bother me.

Was it all just a dream?
Did my mind create you?
Or did you really hurt me,
Like I remember, in the bathroom?

I don’t feel like myself.
I don’t feel like I should.
I don’t feel right.
I don’t feel good.

Whenever she touches me,
I can feel you there.
Whenever she touches me,
I don’t feel like she cares.

Has it all been a dream?
Were my scars a mistake?
Is there anyone out there
With whom love I can make?

Why do you haunt me
If that day wasn’t real?
Why do I have nightmares?
Why are my days filled with tears?

It’s been ten years since that memory
But only four since it came to bother me

Did I hallucinate
Your hand on my breast?
Did I dream up
The smell of your breath?

I feel hopeless.
No answers I’ve found.
Most days I wish
I could put myself in the ground.

Reviews

[John Harden]

Nice write. All the questions you ask in the poem illustrates how in a constant search for answers and how you believe the "memory" may have actually happened. I 've never experienced it, but I bet it's difficult to have people tell you that whatever memory you have is false while you believe it to be true

[nicole]

This is incredible. I really felt worried for you while reading this, that you would have to live with such a memory, all the while people telling you it never happened. What a confusing thing that must be. You put your thoughts into this poem very well. Well done.