first love

First Love

 

 

I couldn't believe it,

he had said the words,

and typed the words,

All I could do was sit there,

frozen,

like a statue in a snow storm,

my body grew numb,

what do I say?,

What do I do?,

Do I love him back?,

Is any of this true?

I could only think of one thing to do,

I walked.

I walked to him,

I stood in front of him,

I pulled him to me,

And I said,

"I love you too.''

Reviews

[sarah]

this was AMAZING!!

[slemonade]

I thought your poem was, at the risk of sounding like a mindless sheep, sweet. However, I did see one thing that made the reading a little disjointed. It was all that punctuation. It was hard to read because of the fact that I constantly had to stop after every few words due to all the commas and periods. I get what you were doing with the formatting of the poem, but constantly having to stop like that essentially all but eliminated the overall emotion of your work. Otherwise, I liked your poem a lot. Nice work. :D

How sweet! Ah I remember saying those words to people, they were always said with such apprehension.
Thanks for sharing.

[Jess95]

Aww..thats cute...i cant relate personally..but i can imagen that thats how it happens.

[Marlena]

How sweet xD Nifty work, very cute.

[OceanTropic]

I can relate to the feeling. When someone is so genuine, and when you don't expect it, you pause for a moment and think, "Did this just happen." And you're so careful with what you say back, because emotions are so delicate.

[~AmateurWriter]

I really like this, has emotion to it (though I'm not sure you've felt this, you Are twelve). Good poem.
Oh and btw, you don't have to put commas after every line.

[Jasmine]

i like this one! this is good (although,you don't need the commas after the ?s)
well done! :-)

[MagiCrystal]

Yes... speak heart.. and more heart.. and never stop.. being a heart that beats with love.. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[X]

aww, short and sweet. cool, now i might write a love poem lol