Delusional

She is my muse. I write for her.

 

It’s been 6 years since I first laid eyes on her. I knew right there, she’d be the one for me. Funny, since I didn’t know her at that time. She was in her jeans and a shirt that I recalled was worn mostly by boys.

 

We were both twelve and we never really talked that time. It was my first year in high school and she was just visiting a friend of hers who then became a very close friend of mine. That guy, her friend and my would-be psychiatrist, felt the need to introduce us but being the yellow bellied idiot that I was, and still am, I bolted and ran across the room to my other closest friend since childhood.

 

She went away to study in another city not far from where I did. Far from each other, we made a strong bond through text messages. We understood each other so well that it didn't take long for us to truly get to know one another. Call it cheesy, and it is, but the ride was funny and romantic.

 

Three years later and she returned in person to talk to me. I was close to bolting yet again but I opted not to.

 

Actually, what happened was I received a text message from her saying she was coming to my high school that day. We still had our classes but hers had ended a week ago. It was supposed to be a surprise visit. Boy was I ecstatic when I saw her pretty face!

 

It was just unfortunate that my classmates began jeering us on that she felt too embarrassed to actually come inside. So I went out to talk to her but the same fear I had 3 years ago overcame me. I thought of just hiding far away but then something told me that I shouldn’t. So I then approached her and we talked and talked and talked. It was funny, really. All her childhood friends were there and I was the only one whom they weren’t all close with. But she was caring enough to guide me all the way. She didn’t leave my side and even pulled me when I tried scooting out of the picture because I was really getting out of place.

 

Then the phone calls came. I told her I’d call her and I did. We talked for nights and nights. It was a high school crush which I think turned into love. I’m not really sure but if love was the exact same feeling you’d have where you would think of nothing else but that one person, then I think it was close to it.

 

Shame she had to leave again, this time across the country. We haven’t seen each other in person since.

 

Some months ago, we had a spat and it actually turned nasty. It was a misunderstanding. She fell in love with a d********g and I made a funny remark. Only she didn’t find it funny and thought I was serious. So she yelled at me online. I said I was sorry and then that seemed to have marked the end of a dream.

 

We both chose to leave it be. I’m not sure if we did have anything together. Maybe I was just imagining things, fooling myself that an angel like her would fall for a bum like me. Funny and at the same time painful.

 

I really loved her. Until now, I still do.

 

I came across her Multiply page earlier today and I felt myself wince thinking of how badly I still want her at my side even though I did choose to lose her.

 

Romantic? Tragic?

 

I have no idea.

 

All I know is that I need to kill this feeling soon. If she had already let it all go, then I should just move on. Friendship, love, whatever we shared was memorable to me. I’m not sure if it was to her. I just hope she won’t forget everything though.

 

I will continue on writing. She’s my muse and everything I write is for her heart. Scarred as it may be, it isn’t deaf and hopefully, it’ll hear the cry of my own.

Author's Note

Thanks for Supernatural Kiss for the thorough review. XD

Image Disclaimer: I didn't take this photograph. Special thanks for Emem Zaldivar, whose beauty timeless.

Reviews

[Jazlean]

"I will continue on writing. She's my muse and everything I write is for her heart. Scarred as it may be, it isn't deaf and hopefully, it'll hear the cry of my own." You always end so strongly. tis brilliant.

and keep writing my friend! you have a life and a gift. smiles at ya mate and I hope everything just turns out perfect for ya. In the nicest way possible she must be stupid to lose ya, romantics are hard to find. anyways memorys made, don't let them fade and let the future be another beautiful memory.
Great honest write, and a wonderful tale in its own right.

~Jaz

[RoughWaterJohn]

Great story, well written and believable. Nice flow and you share the characters thoughts well. Thanks.

[*Kantola*]

This was a beautiful piece! I almost cried during this. This is beautiful, Jofer! You have a wonderful talent, and you must love her very much to make her your muse, and to write from the heart. Keep on writing, buddy! You're a fantastic writer!
I've sorta had the same experience, but I wont go there :P
I absolutely loved this piece!

[Mel Stevens]

'I knew right there, she'd be the one for me.' -there, or then?

'We were both twelve and we never really talked that time. It was my first year in high school and she was just visiting a friend of hers who then became a very close friend of mine. That guy, her friend and my would-be psychiatrist, felt the need to introduce us but being the yellow belied idiot that I was and still am, I bolted and ran across the room to my other closest friend since childhood.' -I know what you are saying in this paragraph, but the flow doesn't work quite right.

'We understood each other that much that it didn't take long for us to truly get to know one another' -word territory issues with 'that'. Maybe, 'We understood each other so well that it didn't take long for us to truly get to know one another.

Change 3 to three

to be a surprise visit. Boy was I surprised to see her pretty face in that room! -word territory issues with 'surprise'

this time from across the country -'from' doesn't fit. just omit it, you get the same point across

Wonderful story. You have your own tragic romance. True love forgives...

[Imperfection]

I get the picture and I think I understand it too.

Whatever it may have been - love or friendship, it must have been a beautiful feeling.
So beautiful that it has brought out so much in you. I have gone through some of your writings and when you say that you write for her heart, it shows how much she means to you.

Whether or not you meet again, I'm certain the memory of those times shared with her will never leave you.
Keep writing.

[Phil Sanders]

What a tender story .. beautifully written with lovely images throughout ....

[mattavelli]

This is great!!!
You should go club her on the head and drag her home. :)
Have fun.

[Josh]

I haven't been through the exact same situation, but I understand. I know what you mean by 'she is my muse'. Sometimes, it's the same way I feel. God Bless.