What My Mental Illness Has Taught Me

If I could get rid of it, would I?

I haven't done one of these posts in a long time, but I have recently seen a lot of videos and articles about people not wanting to get rid of their mental illnesses. I wanted to add in my opinions.

Backstory: I am currently in high school. In the ninth grade, I was formally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD. Merriam Webster's Dictionary defines GAD as "an anxiety disorder marked by chronic excessive anxiety and worry that is difficult to control, causes distress or impairment in daily functioning, and is occupied by three or more associated symptoms (such as restlessness, irritability, poor concentration, and sleep disturbances)- abbreviation GAD". GAD has changed my life in many ways both good and bad.

1) The stigma around mental illnesses and Hollywood's portrayal of them are ill-informed and crude. We aren't monsters, whether we have an anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, autism, Asperger's, schizophrenia, or dissociative identity disorder. We are normal people that you walk past in the street and work with. 

2) Mental illness is NOT a joke. Some people with mental illnesses joke about it, even I do sometimes. BUT, it's to make US feel better. How many comedians do you know of with psychological disorders? Here are a few: Robin Williams (bipolar and depression), Richard Pryor (depression), Kenneth Williams (manic depression), Tony Hancock (depression), Daniel Tosh (Social Anxiety). Although we make fun of ourselves, we are not inviting you to do so.

3) Mental health is as important as physical health. If you eat horribly and never exercise, you will have health problems like diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, and more. If you don't take care of your mental health by not stressing and taking some "me time", you could have physical health issues like high blood pressure, lack of appetite, and sleep deprivation, but you could also burn out mentally. You can become stressed out, anxious, depressed, even paranoid.

4) You need to take time for yourself to relax and recuperate. Some people take baths, read, write, journal, exercise, meditate, or get out in nature. I try to practice this in little ways everyday or multiple times a week. I will read, have a Netflix marathon, take a bath, paint my nails, do my eyebrows, drink some tea, or make myself a nice dinner. Try to do one thing every day to calm you down and take a break.

5)It's okay to have bad days. Even if you don't have a mental illness, you may just be having a bad day. It's important to be patient with yourself and know that you'll probably feel better when you wake up the next morning, even though you probably won't feel that way at the moment. Everyone has bad days.

So, there have been some benefits to my anxiety disorder. Some people think these life lessons are worth it and they will keep their mental illness. Would I? If I could get rid of my anxiety disorder forever, would I? Hell f*****g yes. Sorry if you came here thinking I would supply you with an amazing inspirational speech about how even if I could, I wouldn't get rid of my anxiety disorder. If I could get rid of it, I would without a doubt. Anxiety isn't pretty. I can cover up my nights of unrest with concealer the next morning, but that's about it. People have asked me if I am on an anti-anxiety medication as if it completely solves the problem. You still have anxiety, it just lessens the physical effects (shaking, rocking, throwing up, trouble concentrating, sweating, etc) and lessens the anxiety. It doesn't get rid of it. Oh, how I wish it would! 

If I didn't have horrible anxiety every morning and period and trouble sleeping, that'd be great. If I could go to the mall with my friends, wait casually for my appointment or piano lesson, go to a brick and mortar (meaning an actual high school instead of the online school I currently am enrolled in), make new friends, go on vacation, and sit still, that'd be amazing! With my anxiety disorder, I can't. I am in a constant state of anxiety from the moment I wake up to moment I fall asleep. The state of anxiety varies from "I guess I'm alright" to "Woah, I need to take a break and try to calm down" to "I think I'm gonna puke". I hate having an anxiety disorder but I will most likely have it for the rest of my life and I just have to accept that.