Behind the Beyond

Rose wants to know Will-Liam. And to do that, she must first know herself.

The tap-tapping of rain is in beat with my heartbeat. The droplets are sticking to my hair and getting caught in the cupped leaves.

I am sitting on the forest floor with my hands knotted in the grass. It smells like mud and dirt and rain and Will-Liam - if only I could remember who I am.

We sit in companionable silence, both stuck inside our own heads. But I cannot get him out of my head. I cannot make him real in my reality.

My eyes shift to his figure, crouched on the belly of a stooped trunk. His shoulders are crumpled, his grey eyes glued to mine. When I catch him staring, his eyes do not drift away.

My eyes float across his sculpted features. They skid past his buttery-blonde hair lying in loose, mussed ringlets. Pause on his strong nose and then the thin line of his lips. They chase the curve of his jaw.

And then his eyes tighten as he watches me watch him, their warmth spilling out as he tries to block me out. He is trying not to feel what he feels or see what he sees, but I am hurt because he is hurting.

What should I say? I ask.
Say nothing.

But when our eyes touch, I know that he knows the truth.

I am sorry,  he lies.
I know (that you are lying).

A beat’s pause-

Let’s get away from here.
And go where?

His eyes slip close to see.
Anywhere but here.

And for a moment I dream that he is actually dreaming. But then I remember that anywhere means nowhere and that nothing means anything. And even if we would not mind to run away from our own minds, you must be out of your mind to think that you could escape the circle.

Author's Note

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Reviews

[Basya Feldman]

This is so real and well written. It feels true and ultimate and beautiful- like things should be.