HER

My Love And Passion For HER.

My vibrant, intellectual being with everlasting beauty.
My dark colored maiden
Blessed with skin as soft as a babe
Such a smile as yours; warm and kind
Such woman like you are hard to find

Adventurous birds, I wish to fly
My angelic wings take me high
As I dream of your face in the blue crystal sky
Which cause tears to commit suicide
from each blue coloured eye

Please ....

My lantern hearted friend
Who will hold my hand
To the very very end

Cradle me
In the warm southern breeze
Wrapped in silk

While you gently use your nose
To smell the fresh picked rose.

Beauty suits you well.

Author's Note

I have meet some wonderful people in my life, mind you. I wrote this in school minding my own business until the thought of her came into mind.

Reviews

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

A small point of simple grammar...and not a major one: I think in the fifth line you could say, "Such womEn AS you are hard to find." That is just a small thing that the English tutor in me (a few years as an English tutor at the local college) felt had to be corrected. Okay and now I have a second suggestion for the last line of the second stanza, but I fear you will take offense if I keep pointing out just grammatical issues. Believe me, I know it is annoying when you present a heartfelt poem and someone only sees dumb spelling mistakes that really mean very little, seemingly, but I am just pointing them out because sometimes if something distracts from reading the poem straight through then the person reading it never gets the real feeling...they just get that there was a spelling error or something. I hate that, but it is a human foible. We probably have to make allowances for it. That said, I feel like the last line of the second stanza should be something like, "Which causes tears to escape from each eye." That would make sky and eye rhyme better and also it would not alter your original words too much I hope.

Now, "lantern hearted friend," THAT is a great line. It is truly uncommon. This is where I love your originality shinning through!! "Beauty suits you well," is such a great line I would encourage you to write another poem with that as the first line!! Also, I think that being ABLE to rhyme is a great ability and one worth practicing, but equally important is being able to NOT rhyme and have the audience not realize they are even missing that structural element. I have so far seen you do both well, and in some cases I think your rhyming is unnecessary. Swell and Well certainly rhyme, and it is a wonderful word, swell. However, it still isn't quite the scintillating word I would have chosen there. I FEEL your love in this poem and ending on the word "swell" reminds me of my ex saying to me it was hilarious that the Beatles sing, "I'm in love with her and I feel FINE," in that particular hit. Saying you love someone and they make you feel FINE, is like saying, "The car hit the pole, flinging me through the windshield and into the street...and it was UNCOMFORTABLE." The understatement is not what I think you are going for and I believe you could potentially do better, but there are limited rhymes for "well" and I understand that. Changing the line "Beauty suits you well," seems like an imposition because that is a wonderful line. However, I do think that you should consider altering the word "well" to make for a better rhyme, or else considering just not rhyming...Tusitala has spoken!!! (POOF!!! He disappeared in a cloud of choking red smoke!!)

[Saddam]

you have discribed a beautiful lady with blue eyes. once a met a the girl like you, but my badluck, she was a relative and next day she was out of sight.(sigh)
hmm...but this poetry remind me her again. thanks for giving me my feelings. loveya.

[The Nude Writer]

Delightful poetry :) I like this