Grave One: Death

   I sat in the corner of the bathroom, knee pulled to my chest and my body shaking with silent tears. Shock and grief filled me, all I could comprehend were these emotions threatening to consume me entirely.
   I couldn't believe she was gone. My mother. The only one who was there to protect me from the bitter world that had already done so much damage. Now she was gone and I was alone in a existence no longer worth preserving. The tears continued build up and cloud my eyes, until they spilled and ran down, leaving black trails behind on my face.
   I knew this was going to happen, but nothing could have prepared me for it. She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer over a year ago, and had slowly crept towards her fate since. Somehow, no matter how pointless it seemed, I managed to convince myself she wouldn't die. She couldn't. She was my only...anything. The thought almost made me laugh from the irony, a nineteen year old girl still so dependant on her mother? At this age I should be the one taking care of her. Only the cold earth need do that now. My mother- the warm, caring woman I'd always known was gone and so was my investment in life. I had never had anything else anyway, she was the only one that would accept me for me, whoever that was. Who else could? My father, so far as I knew, had never existed, and I had no other family. We moved to much for me to make anything more than superficial, ill-fated associations with my peers. No music, self-pity, cigarettes, poetry could help me on their own now. Those little escapes already seemed far gone and unreachable, so much I could hardly recall the comfort they had temporarily provided.
   Looking down I saw the knife in my hand, flashing slightly in the harsh brilliance of the ceiling light. I was reminded of why I was in here in the first place, to prove I really didn't have anything to live for. I felt no remorse as I lifted it slightly and brought the edge to the fragile, white flesh on the underside of my forearm. I could only feel an odd sense of anticipation. I forced the knife harder, gritted my teeth, and tightly shut my eyes as the burning ache shot from the newly-formed wound. Taking a sharp gasp of air, I set the point against my arm once more, and heavily dragged it downward. Again and Again.
Soon my arm was a bloody mess, covered in sickeningly deep gashes. Warm red liquid pumped out onto the white linoleum floor, I began to feel light-headed and shut my eyes as nausea overwhelmed the excruciating pain.
   I felt blessedly dazed. Black swirls surrounded the corners of my vision and I sank back against the wall, my eyes closing and head rolling back slightly. "Just wait a little longer, Mother" I slurred, though I had never really been one to believe in life after death.
   As my last hold on consciousness began to slip away, I felt something was wrong. Someone was near me. Weakly, I opened my eyes. Unable to focus them, all I could see was a dark blur against the bright ceiling light. Before I could think to do anything else, another wave of dizziness hit me and I shut my eyes again. It was too late for anyone to do anything anyway....

*

   The warm rays of the sun shone in brightly through the windows, the beams fell on the bed and across my face and I stirred and blinked open my violet colored eyes. The long, raven-colored waves of hair that were strewn across the pillow softly fell forward to frame my face when I slowly sat up and looked about. I was in my mother's bedroom, the untouched sanctuary of many a childhood distress, now seeming different, devoid of its charm without the former occupant. Even more surprising was that, I saw, sensed, and otherwise noted I was alive. Looking down, I saw my arm neatly bandaged over an angry, red...but healing wound.
   My heart beat faster in a cold panic. How could this happen? I remembered dying so clearly...slipping much too far for anyone to save me. I gave another sharp intake of air.
   Someone had come into the bathroom, I remembered. Someone had entered just as I thought my eyes would close for the last time. Still, what could they have done, this mysterious trespasser? My head swam with jumbled fragments of thoughts. Who were they? What did they want from me? Would they going to come back and finish this themselves....
   Weakly, I lay back, trying to empty my head of all thoughts. It was so confusing, all I wanted was to drift away and forget for now, while I could.

*

   Cold fingertips caressed my face, icy and gentle. Stroking my hair, softly touching my wounded arm. I could faintly smell cinnamon and hear soft breathing as my mind struggled into consciousness.
   My eyes fluttered open and I was alone. The sun had disappeared into night and the moon shone softly into my room. Tears of confusion stung my eyes.
   What was happening to me? Was I going insane?
   Taking deep breaths of cool air to calm myself I closed my eyes. I saw her, I saw my mother draw a final rattling gasp of air and cease to breathe altogether. Then I could see myself, alone and helpless, I was lying on the white bathroom floor, black hair fanned out like the pool of blood, a dark figure standing over me...
   I screamed and scrambled out of bed, hitting the wood floor in a disgruntled heap. I barely seemed to notice, I didn't care about anything as I beat against the wall with delicate fingers curled into fists, sobbing, panicking. I had to get away, I had to get far away where no one and no thing could me.

Author's Note

Please understand that I began this years ago as a very depressed preteen. But I welcome positive and negative feedback.

Reviews

[.Bunnie.]

The beginning starts out REALLY powerful! It instantly grabbed me, and you did a great job slipping into the conflict of the story. I think the whole thing flows smoothly together and hints at an unfolding mystery that keeps the reader enthralled in the story. I'm really anxious to hear what happens next!! Hurry up and add more! :)

[DeathByChoice]

Ooooohhh......Write the next chapter please!
This was really good, very powerful. I read your bio and can't help but notice some of the similarities between you and your character. Sorry if there's no connection but I think it's good how oyu put some parts of you into you story. Good job, I really liked it!