Wax Doll

Sweat was running through my facial curves, falling on the ground. . .one drop after another. Though my hands got cramps for the continuous dragging, I didn't stop even for a moment. The work needed to be done, as soon as possible. 

The dead girl was being dragged by her legs, her small head and upper body part lay on the ground. My grip was strong but still, strong enough to chop trees and still enough to draw free hand sketch. There were bloods flowing down from her head and they got painted on the dirt road like bloody road signs. I focused on the painting while admiring the artistic view, but the phone call was the worst distraction for me as it rang loudly with the nightcore song. That sounds like s**t but I didn't feel like changing it. Why bother over small things when you have big duties to perform?

 It took me just few moments to pull out the phone from somewhere and smash on the ground. That electric device got shattered into pieces and the best part is that the ringing actually stopped. Didn't need to hear it anymore, never. " Crack. . . .Crack. . . .Crack" the girls neck snapped three times when I pulled her up using the stairs. She looked like an idiot in this position.

 But she didn't look like an idiot when I first saw her in a summer night. I can still remember her voice "It's Raine, not the rain that falls from the sky, just Raine". She smiled at me with her pearl white teeth, a kind smile to an unkind stranger.

 Unfortunately, four of her teeth got broken when I hit her face with the metal rod few hours ago. Didn't bother putting them back into her mouth. Believe me, if she was alive, she would insist me on doing so.

 It would have been like the time when she accidentally cut down most of my hair while giving me a hair cut and wanted to put them back into my scalp. A wise decision though!

 I picked her up by her hands, she weighed like hell and almost fell. But, I managed to grasp her hair and pull her up on my desk. Some of her hair got uprooted due to sudden force and others got sprinkled around her face. My eyes gazed towards her forest green eyes. . . wide open, then towards her swollen parted lips. . .crimson with her own blood. I kissed on her cheek and muttered, "Forgive me for I have sinned". A faint whisper emerges from her voice, "Err doesn't count on you, which counts isn't a err".

 I slashed her head into two pieces with my axe when she rested on my desk like a deformed wax doll.

Author's Note

My second attempt to write a story from male perspective. The story contains slight horror and romance. Any suggestion is welcome (character, plot, grammar).

Reviews

[Meeks]

Can't say I like horror past the theoretical part, but I guess some tips in that area would work as well. Some questions for you to ask yourself when writing this style.

What single object is to be feared by the reader? In this case, is it the killer or the killee? (I bet that's a word)
Does this draw its 'scariness' from a childhood fear? It should. Fear of unknown/impossible and of darkness is common.

Don't try to gross the reader out. Horror is more about psychological games than blood and guts, which doesnt mean that you can't sprinkle pieces of brain everywhere but that you should focus on what it is doing to the character. In horror, the mc should pretty much go crazy, or at least think he is.
Have you ever read The Finger, by Stephen King? Probably a prime example, it's free on the internet too. Anyway, almost no blood till the end but it freaks you out anyway. I recommend it for writers of this genre.

As for the love aspect, that's a demented way of showing love. But visible, good job.

Overall, pretty interesting concept. I enjoyed the way he thought about how she looked before, and kind if comparing that.
Sorry about the late review, I'm really behind on my requests.

[Rafy T.Nym]

Thanks a lot for the helpful review and recommendation. I've read 'It' by stephen king,but I'll read 'The moving finger' as well. I appreciate your kind gesture. Just don't forget to send me read request after you've written another 'Snippet' chapter, I love reading the series. :-)

[dan]

Rafy, Wow! Your writing of this mayhem seems to be softened in the telling of the story. Such grisly horror performed by the protagonist is so adroitly woven into the fabric of the tale, making the thought of such criminal acts seem almost normal. It takes a lot of talent to make that connection work. And fortunately you've got the talent to spare. Great piece of writing, my compliments! take care...dan

[Rafy T.Nym]

Thanks a lot for your kind words and thoughtful review. :)