Cars by Color

Our feet are bound

But at least our toes are painted fresh

Will you stick around

When I start to claw into your chest?

What a sharp tongue

Now locked up and sewn between your teeth

A coal miner's lung

That breathes like hell when you're asleep

Now you're mom's a mess

Trying not to loosen her grip

Scissors to your dress

Praying for your sinking ship

You see cars by color

The engine's just there by some mistake

Tires aren't made of rubber 

No point in ever using the brake

Your fingers curve

Into your palms when I speak

Did I hit a nerve

When all my thoughts began to leak?

Your cutting charm

Isn't enough to hold our weight

A violent storm

Just weak enough to keep us straight 

Now your hair is drenched

Drying itself on the concrete

Fists are unclenched 

Darkening from the swelling heat

You see cars by color

The engine's just there by some mistake

Tires aren'r made of rubber

No point in ever using the break

You can watch them drive by

You can watch them drive by

You can watch them drive by

Watch them, watch them drive by

Reviews

[3X3MPLER]

i like the way you stuck to a specific rhyme scheme all through

[Devons]

This has a real subtle, almost mesmerising effect. I put great store in titles, and this one is particularly good. To me, it's very much a part of the package, like a bow on a birthday present. And the content does not betray the packaging in this instance.
There's a kind of attractive madness about this somehow, as though conventional descriptions are no longer possible and no longer adequate to the subject. It makes me think of a hot road trip in the 30s Deep South, something like that. A kind of mental and physical thirst which is almost beyond words, yet the mind still forms them. Just an impression. Perhaps it's a better way to describe the poem's effect than my own analysis.
Good work. Fascinating poem.

[Fatema]

i want to give this a 10,million
it sounds like a song
[i love to sing]

[butt muncher]

Yup these are song lyrics :) it sounds much better with the melody so I was hesitant with posting this. Thank you for the comment!

[Fatema]

no, thank you, for writing this lovely poem/song.

[The Twin Arenas]

heh. i like writing about cars. i don't know why. they're kind of like animals, I suppose, but an extension of what we are. nice piece, jackie.

[J Todd Underhill]

I like this piece! You should come and read it on www.worldpoetryopenmic.net this Friday night! I am glad I dropped in on your poetry unique cadence in my mind while reading.