Time

Time

A Poem by Sriparna
"

About a lost love.

"
Couldn't you stop time,
When it was the last time our eyes're meeting,
And exchanging river of emotions as it always does,
I hope you knew.
Our minds made peace with,
something that is eternal,
something that cant not be seen,
But has always been felt so right and real,
Couldn't you stop time
when the my fingers entangled with yours,
Giving rise to the belief and trust,
where were you lost?
As my faith danced in joy,
skin to skin glint,
Senses approved and rejoiced,
Think so common ?
As my fragile soul basked in your warmth,
Couldn't you stop the time?
What would i try to find more,
while I was gazing upon my entire universe condensed in your maudlin eyes,
providing elements to the tree of love,
Satisfied and happy.
Shower of affection,
Was never served before
nor ever expected,
While the rhythm of our hearts created the resonance,
couldn't you afford?
Souls collided like the ocean embraces the shore,
it was season of full moons and illuminating stars,
was the moment,
I wish you have stopped time.

© 2017 Sriparna



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Reviews

God. Just the sory of thing I felt like reading right now. It was really well tried! :)

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Romantically desiring

Great Read

Matthew

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Sriparna

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you for the review. :)
Matthew Kult

2 Weeks Ago

You are welcome

Matthew
I had this wish often. To stop time. I liked the set-up and the situation in the poem. You took the reader with you in the words. Thank you Sriparna for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 1 Month Ago


Sriparna

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you for the review. Appreciate it. :)
Coyote Poetry

1 Week Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.
Needs a lot of editing, I'm afraid.

Stanzas are to poetry what paragraphs are to writing. They are little stopping points, and let us know when the subject changes. Using them would make the reading a lot easier, and get rid of the "big block of print," look.

You also need to look at logic. You say:

Couldn't you stop time,
When it was the last time our eyes're meeting,

• I hope you knew.

Is a sentence fragment.

• Our minds made peace with,
something that is eternal,

The comma shouldn't be there, And "that is," adds nothing but to slow the read. Better to drop it.

In short, you need to rethink, polish to remove the unneeded words, and edit, edit, edit.

The request isn't to stop time, but to back it up.

• And exchanging river of emotions as it always does,

I assume you mean "a" river of emotions. Eting counts...a lot.

And "it" does. The antecedent for the line is eyes meeting. But that's an event, not an "it"

Tense is mixed here. You know what you mean, because intent guides your understanding. But intent doesn't make it past the keyboard.



Posted 1 Month Ago


Sriparna

1 Month Ago

Thank you for the kind review and the analysis. Will improve with that.

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Added on October 3, 2017
Last Updated on October 3, 2017
Tags: #love #lost #romantic #time

Author

Sriparna
Sriparna

Kolkata, Humanism, India



About
I'm a music lover. Also trying on photography and writing. And I am student of science. I like to express my thoughts and feelings through words. An atheist. :) more..

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