My First Time

My First Time

A Poem by redbirdfan524
"

You have to wait and see

"

 It happened on the soft green grass
Behind Meetinghouse school
I had been striking out all my life
But it was my time to show that I can do it. 

My first attempt I took a swing with my bat 
But missedw
Then, as the moment neared, I took a chance and…
BOOM!!!!
The feeling was indescribable
I loved every moment of this extraordinary experience

I had made it to first base before
As well as second too
I had made it to third twice
But never to home

It was something I would tell all my friends about
No one would believe me at first
But luckily I had a witness
Actually I had about 40
One person was taping 
And had caught every moment on tape
My dad was yelling, “Atta boy son”
“It’s about time”

I asked everyone how I looked
They said my motion was perfect
My form impeccable
I could evaluate how I did on tape for years to come

It was my first home run on a big diamond

© 2009 redbirdfan524


Author's Note

redbirdfan524
There is no rhyme scheme or format at all.

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Featured Review

A poem doesn't require rhyme scheme, so I'm a-okay with that!
This is a delightful little poem; cute, charming, nostalgic, and quaint. You describe every motion and sensation, though perhaps tie in more of the *emotion* involved. Is the baseball player apprehensive? Anxious? Excited? Thrilled? Ecstatic? Moreover, when doing this, don't simply state it, show it. I get the idea he (or she) is anxious, but perhaps more descriptive to illustrate it would add to the poem. Like, perspiring palms, squinting eyes from the summer sun that boils his/her blood and blurs his/her vision and thoughts--but no! Must stay focused for the game. Hit a homerun and best of all, describe that slide into home base. [I used to play softball and I made a slide into home, it's quite the experience]. The dirt and dust flies everywhere, the crowd roars and cheers, and you wait, almost too caught up in the moment to remember the umpire still makes the call--almost. So you open your eyes nervously, still with a smile on your face -- SAFE!

Your poem has that narrative quality to it that allows such descriptions. Normally, if you had more of a lyrical quality, you wouldn't be able to pull off something quite like that. But because of the narrative format, it allows such details to flow naturally within the poem.
Just a suggestion to keep in mind for future reference.
I enjoyed the poem! Brought back some memories, that sometimes I tend to forget. Though reading something like this, brings it back so I can almost relive that moment again in time. Simply lovely -- and creative!
By the way, your title is a trickster! Or perhaps my mind is in the gutter.

Anyways, a charming poem you have written here.
I liked it!
Cheers.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

A poem doesn't require rhyme scheme, so I'm a-okay with that!
This is a delightful little poem; cute, charming, nostalgic, and quaint. You describe every motion and sensation, though perhaps tie in more of the *emotion* involved. Is the baseball player apprehensive? Anxious? Excited? Thrilled? Ecstatic? Moreover, when doing this, don't simply state it, show it. I get the idea he (or she) is anxious, but perhaps more descriptive to illustrate it would add to the poem. Like, perspiring palms, squinting eyes from the summer sun that boils his/her blood and blurs his/her vision and thoughts--but no! Must stay focused for the game. Hit a homerun and best of all, describe that slide into home base. [I used to play softball and I made a slide into home, it's quite the experience]. The dirt and dust flies everywhere, the crowd roars and cheers, and you wait, almost too caught up in the moment to remember the umpire still makes the call--almost. So you open your eyes nervously, still with a smile on your face -- SAFE!

Your poem has that narrative quality to it that allows such descriptions. Normally, if you had more of a lyrical quality, you wouldn't be able to pull off something quite like that. But because of the narrative format, it allows such details to flow naturally within the poem.
Just a suggestion to keep in mind for future reference.
I enjoyed the poem! Brought back some memories, that sometimes I tend to forget. Though reading something like this, brings it back so I can almost relive that moment again in time. Simply lovely -- and creative!
By the way, your title is a trickster! Or perhaps my mind is in the gutter.

Anyways, a charming poem you have written here.
I liked it!
Cheers.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 14, 2009

Author

redbirdfan524
redbirdfan524

springfield, MA



About
i LOVE writing especially poetry. i had just gotten an A+ in creative writing at my school more..

Writing