Chapter 6

I woke up uncomfortably.  I had no idea what time it was, or even where I was. I had no memory of going to bed last night.  My eyes adjusted to the light as I realised I actually hadn’t gone to bed.  I was on the sofa in the living room with the blanket I had pulled out for me and Jen last night.

Jen! S**t, I whipped about in a panic.  She wasn’t here.  I fell backwards into the sofa my mind on over drive before I noticed a piece of paper on the table.  Immediately I reached out to grab it. 

T.  I’m sorry to leave you before you woke, you looked so peaceful I just couldn’t bring myself wake you up.  I have left your clothes in the bedroom.  Thank you for a lovely day.  J xxx’

There was a p.s with her phone number.

I sighed loudly.  Somewhere inside I was hurt, I wanted to wake up and she would be here, but the other half of me was also scared.  I knew she knew who I was now.  My last thought from the night hit me full in the face and I could hear it clear as day when she moaned my name during our kiss. ‘Taemin’.

Damn baby.

I knew she’d have to be told, find out at some point.  I don’t know how I felt at her being a fan though.  In some ways, I felt partly betrayed.  She showed no signs of being a fan.  She was the perfect stranger and I felt lied to.  Would it really have been easier if she screamed at me while I tried to have a conversation with her though? I felt conflicted. 

There was only one person I wanted to talk to about this, only one person who I knew could give me serious advice without making fun of me.

I reached for my phone and found Jinki’s number and began a text to him.

T: Bro I need some advice.  I don’t exactly know what to say though. 

I wrote out that I met a girl, how she made me feel, and how I was feeling now realising she did know what I did.

I sent the text and decided to use the bathroom.  My mind was still travelling faster than I could process anything clearly as I brushed my teeth followed by calling the chef to get some breakfast.

I must have checked my phone every 5 minutes for the next two hours.  I sat on the terrace overlooking the beach in the morning sun as I ate and waited.  I didn’t want to text Jen yet not until I knew what to say. 

I had my head in my arms on the table gazing into the distance when my phone finally buzzed at me. 

I jumped up grabbing it reading what would hopefully be Jinki’s reply.

J: Taemin relax.  If she is a fan so what? Maybe she hasn’t acted like it because she doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.  She’s, what, British you said? They tend to have a better idea of acting tactful than most people.  If you like her so much just be yourself.  Be normal as much as you can be.  If she spent the whole day with you and didn’t bring up the fact you’re an idol once she must have something she likes about you that is real, not just the pop star persona.  But think carefully before really falling for her.  Be careful in public.  Don’t be seen.  You know what’s in the contracts.  No relationships.  If you want this to go somewhere you’ll need to discuss that.  Make sure she understands the situation you are in.  Everything can be worked out.  But take it slowly.  You’ve only just met her.  It’s not like your marrying her tomorrow.  Love you J xxx

 

I read and reread his message about 10 times.  I felt better.  Out of all of us Jinki was the most logical.  The best with advice and the most level headed.  He wouldn’t laugh at you if it was you and him and you were freaking out.  He wouldn’t tell the others too.  Minho and Jonghyun would rip you to pieces.  While Key would act uninterested and superior. 

I spent some time thinking through the advice.  I knew he was right.  Even if she was a fan she hadn’t acted like it, hell she even stopped me from sleeping with her.  If she was a fan just out for something surely she’d have just jumped me the first night I met her. 

I did feel things I hadn’t felt before with her, and I wanted to find out if they were real.  My sense of betrayal from earlier fell away and I decided to text her.  I ran to the living area frantically searching for the paper with her note on. 

When I found it, I double and triple checked the number was correct before I sent a message.

T: Thank you for the nice evening beautiful lady.  I hope you got home safe.  I’m sorry I was asleep.  You could have woken me, I wouldn’t have minded at all.  I hope you slept well.  Why did you leave? T xxx

 

Was it too needy? To eager? Maybe. I didn’t stop to look over it again before I pressed send. 

I felt a lot lighter than I had so far that day, so I tried to relax by watching some rubbish TV shows and pretending I wasn’t obsessing over my phone the same way I had waiting on Jinki’s reply. 

Thankfully I didn’t have to wait too long for her to reply.

J: I did get home safe thank you.  I’m sorry I had to leave earlier than I planned, I forgot I had to work today.  I think I slept a little too well, I should have left last night, I’m sorry.  Forgive me for drooling on you. 😉 Oh and I definitely was not going to wake you up.  You’re very sweet when you’re asleep. 

I couldn’t help the wide grin appearing on my face as I read her words.  She didn’t leave for any reason other than work. 

T: You didn’t drool. Are you working now?

She replied more quickly this time.

J: Yeah, I have one more session then I’m done.  I’m so sleepy *Yawn*.

T: Can I meet you after you’re done?

I was so excited I hadn’t thought through the full extent of what I had written before I sent it. 

When she took longer to reply I started to get worried.  I had no idea on this tiny island where she was, how many people would be around her.  My phone beeped.

J: Ok, are you able to meet me? I can come and meet you if you like?

T: Send me an address, I’ll be there.

She text me where she was so I went to throw on some real clothes, choosing a casual t-shirt and jeans. 

I went to the front of the villa asking the driver that was on standby to take me to the address I showed him. 

He bowed politely and told me it was no problem. 

It didn’t take long to get to the place where she was.  As we pulled up in the car I saw her waiting outside.  She was wearing black jeans and a flowery crop top.  She had a big floppy hat on that covered most of her face.  She leaned against the railings of the building casually smoking her cigarette. 

I hadn’t noticed she tasted of cigarettes yesterday when I kissed her, and I couldn’t remember her smoking once while I was with her. 

I jumped out of the car, my sunglasses on and my cap pulled down low.  There were no other people around but it was habit.  I told the driver to wait for a second. 

She looked up at me as I got out and smiled widely in my direction.  I couldn’t help the grin that escaped me as I stood in front of her. 

‘hi’ I said a little shyly.

‘Hi’ she smiled back.  I went to hug her, admittedly it was slightly awkward, but as she wrapped her arms comfortably around me and I stroked her back it seemed so easy. 

‘I missed you’ I whispered, hardly realising I had said it. 

She giggled.  ‘Do you want to do something fun?’ she pulled back from me and looked up at me. 

‘sure I do’ I said.

‘ok send your driver away’ she said looking suddenly serious.  I wasn’t sure what she was going to say so I looked at her uncertainly.

‘I’m going to take you to the best place in Bali.  It’s not far, there’s hardly anyone there and hardly anyone knows about it, but we need a bike to get there ok?’ she finished pouting. 

My sense of excitement overtook me and I told the driver to go home. 

‘but were are we getting the bike?’ I asked, she turned around took a helmet off the bike that was next to her and passed it to me.  She took a second helmet out of the compartment and put it on herself. 

She straddled the bike, manovering it around and turned to me ‘Come on’ she said.

I jumped on the back, slightly worried about this.  I had been told not to get injured. 

She reached back and grabbed my hands guiding them around her waist.  ‘hold on to me tight ok?’

‘ok’ I managed. 

 

She took off along the winding streets of Bali with me holding tightly around her middle.  I was sure if I moved I would fall, typical of me.  We drove for around 15 minutes up into what seemed like some hills and then suddenly the traffic seemed to just die off.  We were the only bike or car for miles around.  I started to get worried where we were going. 

She stopped the bike and I took in where we were.  There seemed to be a lot bushes and trees around a very small area like a car park.  No one else seemed to be here but only lowly bicycle. 

‘where are we?’ I asked tentatively. 

‘we are in paradise’ she replied turning on the bike to wink at me. 

I was utterly confused.

‘get off and I’ll show you’ she said. 

I got off the bike as awkwardly as only I could, then she got off, took the two helmets, and locked them in the bike.

‘Follow me’ she turned to her right and started walking off turning at a very small opening in the trees I hadn’t seen before. 

It lead down to some stone steps.  I followed her, carefully, one after the other. 

I was focusing so hard on being careful with the steps I hadn’t noticed that she stopped and I almost fell into her. 

‘sorry’ I mumbled embarrassed.

‘it’s ok, we’re almost there’ she said grabbing my hand and smiling up at me.  I couldn’t help my smile back.  I was intrigued with a new-found sense of adventure and yet I was frightened.  I feared her holding my hand so tightly.

She lead me down a small path, within minutes it opened into what looked like a disused café of sorts. 

I was speechless.  The front was hanging off the cliff, overlooking the vast ocean in every direction.  The view was spectacular.  She turned to look at me smiling at my awe. 

I stood there gaping at the ocean and the sky, unable to speak.  I loved the sight of the ocean.  It was a truly wonderful sight. 

She dropped my hand and made her way to the back of the café.  It had a counter top and she let herself in bending down behind the counter. 

She popped up a second later, with two cold cans of coke in her hands and an arm full of blankets and pillows.  She walked over to a large seating area, much like the square gazebo in my villa and laid out the blanket and pillows.  She handed me the coke and motioned for me to sit. 

I climbed up and settled myself against the pillows crossing my legs.  I opened the can and swallowed a mouthful while my eyes turned back to the view. 

‘it’s amazing huh’ she said, I turned around to see her looking at me.  She looked, nervous? I had never seen her nervous before.  Why was she nervous?

‘it’s incredible’ I said trying to put her at ease, I smiled at her coyly.

‘how do you know about this place?’ I asked.

She smiled, rather sadly.  ‘I know the people who own it.  They don’t use it anymore, so I come here a lot when I want to be alone, just think, no one really knows it’s here anymore, since it’s not used anymore.  So I never get disturbed.’ She turned and looked out at the sea.

‘I can see how it would be the perfect place to escape to’ I said turning my attention back to the sea.

‘Yeah.  It’s my paradise’ she said softly. 

It certainly was paradise.  There was a soft breeze in the air making it a comfortable place to be.  There was no noise from the traffic or from people, the only sound that could be heard was the ocean breaking below us.

‘I like it’ I turned back to her and grinned.

‘I don’t share it with a lot of people.  So I hope you feel honoured’ she teased. 

I giggled.  ‘I do, thank you’ I reached for her hand giving it a squeeze. 

She laced her fingers into mine holding me tightly.  I thought now was a good time than any to bring up what I had wanted to from the moment I text her.

‘Jen, I need to tell you something about me.’ I began.

She looked up at me, her face set seriously waiting for me to continue.

‘I . . .er . . .  My job’ I started awkwardly.  What do I say here? Oh by the way I think you know already I’m internationally famous?

‘I know what you do’ she said looking me straight in the eye.  Her face was still serious. 

‘I  . . .  you . . .  you do?’ I finished a little lamely.

‘Taemin.’ She said, I smiled a little. ‘I knew who you were when you were in the café that day’ she said.  I looked her in the eyes and swallowed and looked down at our linked hands.  So, she knew from the first time I saw her.

‘When I saw you in the club later that day I was shocked to see you twice’ she continued on.

‘then you lit a cigarette, and you didn’t appear to have a lighter’ I looked up into her eyes, they were so kind, her voice was soft and she had a slight smirk on her face.

‘and it just happened I didn’t have any cigarettes, so I thought I would ask, since you had caught my eye twice.  I honestly thought you might tell me to f**k off’ she finished.  I laughed.  I couldn’t help it. 

‘so, you’re a fan?’ I coyly asked her.

‘Do I enjoy what you do? Then yes, very much so. I thought you must get recognised a lot in Asia and I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable with yet another person going ‘OH MY GOD IT’S LEE TAEMIN!’ So, I tried to be normal around you.  Treat you like anyone else I would have just met.  I honestly didn’t expect to see you this often, or even have you talk to me either really’ Her eyes looked down at her last statement. 

I reached for her face and lifted her chin, her eyes wide and shy, she was so beautiful.

‘why?’ I asked

‘You’re a very famous idol, a very talented man, and incredibly hot.  Why would you want to talk to someone like me? I’m no one’ her eyes avoided mine. 

It hurt my heart to hear her talk about herself like this.  I was shocked.  She was so confident in every aspect it seemed wrong for her to feel inadequate. 

‘You’re beautiful’ I whispered simply. 

She looked deep in my eyes, a small sad smile on her lips. 

‘But aren’t idols supposed to be with other idols? Not regular no ones’.

‘I like that you’re a no one’ The words tripped out of before I had a chance to think them over. 

She looked at me with slightly hurt eyes and half smiled.

‘I mean . . . let me explain. ‘ I took a long breath thinking over how I wanted to word this.

‘it’s not that you’re no one.  But when everyone thinks they love you, for what you do not who you are it’s not real.  I like the fact that you’re . . . unknown.  It means when I think you’re special, it’s for a good reason, because you really are special, to me.’

She looked deep in my eyes and smiled before she kissed me on my nose.

‘you are special.  Not because you’re famous’ she said as she pulled away from my face her eyes still on mine.

I smiled widely.  I believed her.  I felt special around her, and not in a way I’ve ever felt special before.  Not like when I’m on stage and the fans chant my name.  This kind of special oozed into a part of my heart I didn’t know needed filling and so I kiss her.

I settled into the nest of pillows and motioned her to come and cuddle with me.  I didn’t want to get fired up, I just wanted to be with her.  She laid down and curled up in my arms as we watched the sun go down in the sky, the colours changing from orange to pink to purple to blue.  We giggled all night, stared into each other’s eyes, kissed like teenagers and listened to our hearts beating together.  I couldn’t have been happier than here and as the night sky turned black littered with sparkling diamonds I would have told you I had found paradise.