The Qeen by the See

A short story, written for my dear friend's birthday.

The King was pacing the room. It was never a good sign and The Spy felt sweat gathering at the nape of his neck, while trying to stand as still as possible.

"Access. To. The. See," said The King, spitting out every word. "What I need is an access to the see. My lands are vast, my armies are numerous, but I. Have. No. Access. To. The. See!"

The Spy tried to subtly shift from one foot to the other, when The King's back was turned to him. It had to be said and The Spy steeled himself. "But the Queen, Your Highness..."

"She's a frail woman on a barren strip of land, with a bunch of ragamuffins serving her, she shouldn't even be a nuance!" The King shouted and The Spy tried not to flinch.

"Our previous efforts to conquer her land proved to be futile, Your Highness," The Spy reminded The King meekly. As afraid as The Spy was to speak up, this madness had to be stopped before it escalated into full flown attack at the Queen's land. It never ended in victory, and The Spy was afraid that this time their Kingdom might not recover from the following devastation. There were other lands to occupy and other achievements to brag about, if The King wished so. Sadly, none of them granted the access to the see.

The King flopped down to his throne without any of the graciousness he showed in front of the wider audience. The Spy had yet to decide whether it was a good sign, but it was obvious The King was thinking very hard, and there were no doubts in The Spy's mind about what a bad sign that was. He also had a nagging suspicion this evening was not about to end in an early peaceful dinner.

The King suddenly perked up. "An assassin! We should send an assassin! She is our main obstacle �" and it's such a waste to go to war for one person. Has anybody tried to assassinate her before?"

"Not that I'm aware of," replied The Spy. He tried not to show how bothered he was by that fact. The enemies of the Queen where numerous, their King being not the only one who had his eyes on the only land that had a sea port. Surely, there shouldn't be any shortage of attempts to take The Queen's life. Yet, The Spy knew of none.

"I can't believe nobody thought of this before!" shouted The King enthusiastically. "We will send our best assassin to slay the Queen, and the resulting chaos will give as an opportunity to conquer that damn land that shouldn't even be called a kingdom in the first place!"

"Is that an order, Your Highness?" asked The Spy, and sighed internally. Despite the suspicion that this will not bring them the desired outcome, The Spy still favoured sending an Assassin to declaring a war. It was far less messy and, loosing an assassin, as good as he may be, wasn't as bad as loosing an entire army. Even if the Assassin was a good friend.

"Yes, I order you to send an assassin to kill the Queen of the Sea!" The King sat up straighter in his throne, obviously in a much better mood. "Send the same one who managed to get rid of that annoying Imperial Counselor. I obviously would have won the war against the Emperor anyway, but he was good at his task."

"Yes, Your Highness," said The Spy. The King was prone to forgetting who really was responsible for all the victories, but The Spy never minded that. Especially if he was about to have his quiet dinner after all.

After a couple of days, the Assassin bought the most expensive bottle of wine he could find and shared it with The Spy. They didn't talk about it, but they both knew this most probably was their last meeting. The Spy would send his minions to find the outcome of the assassination attempt after a few days, and he promised to try to kill the Assassin if he was captured and tortured.

A week passed. The news from The Land by the Sea finally reached The Spy, and as much as he tried to prepare himself for everything unexpected, he sure didn't anticipate exactly this.

"The assassination was unsuccessful, Your Highness. Largely due to the fact that our Assassin didn't attempt it," The Spy told The King. The effort to keep his voice from trembling was tremendous.

"Really? Was he captured? Did he die?" The King looked disappointed, but not yet furious. Good. 

"No, Your Highness," The Spy unintentionally bowed his head. "To the best of my knowledge, the Assassin decided to stay at The Land by the Sea and to serve The Queen."

"That b*****d!" The King jumped from the throne. "That traitor! He will never be allowed to place a foot on this land again! I will put a price for his head!" The King shouted in rage as he stomped in the throne hall. "What did that witch offered him?"

"Nothing, Your Highness," answered The Spy, not even trying to hide his confusion. "There was no offer or reward, other than the place at the Queens table for dinner every evening and the Assassin simply decided to stay at the Queens palace."

"Dinner? The Queen bribed our best and most loyal Assassin with food? There must be more to that!" The King looked as confused as The Spy felt. "Are they sleeping together?"

"No, Your Highness, they most certainly do not. They just dine every evening." The Spy didn't know how to proceed from that. Knowing what is happening in other people bedrooms was a much easier task than telling The King about that.

"And?" prompted The King, getting annoyed with the understanding The Spy wasn't telling him everything.

"And they bicker. A lot." The Spy breathed out. He desperately wanted to close his eyes, but he needed to see The King's reaction.

"Bicker?" parroted The King. A reaction was yet to happen. "You mean to tell me that our best Assassin failed because he enjoys to bicker!" The King was finally starting to show his furry, and strangely, this calmed The Spy a little. It was a predictable reaction, after all.

"It must be a newly acquired interested for the Assassin. He was always prone to snark, but he never showed..."

"Enough!" shouted The King and waved his hand in dismissing. "I don't care. Find another assassin to serve me and do your job properly this time. I can't afford to lose a spy as well, so I will not behead you. Yet. But I must think of another plan. I must be the one to conquer The Land by The Sea!"

"Certainly, Your Highness. If anyone can do that, it is you." The Spy was so relieved he even allowed himself this instance of obvious attempt of flattering The King, which earned him a stern glare from beneath the knitted brows. The Spy made a note to himself to never do that again.

"Go away, you're useless!" The King dismissed The Spy in irritation. "I will bring this matter to the Council. Maybe someone will come up with a better idea than your sorry excuse of an assassin."

The Spy bowed and left promptly and only then he allowed himself a harsh curse under his breath. The Council was gathered under the basis of a*s kissing rather than any other qualities and any ideas they would come up with were certainly not in the interest of the Kingdom as a whole. Still, waiting was the only thing left to do.

After a couple of days, The Spy was pacing in front of the doors to the Hall, waiting for The King to invite him in. This was one of those rare instances he desperately wished he was wrong and The King would deliver some other news from the gathering of the Council. Yet, the hope was dim to say the least.

"A dragon!" The King shouted enthusiastically as soon as The Spy entered. "A dragon lives in The Sea, and the only thing left to do is to lure him out on the shore. He will destroy the land and we will be ready to occupy it as soon as it leaves!"

"The dragon is an unpredictable creature and the spells to bait him are expensive," The Spy tried to reason, already knowing this was in vain.

"Oh, nonsense. What's the use of having a Wizard, if he can't be used for purposes just as this?" The King was fascinated by the idea. "He promised the dragon will come out of the sea, and that's all we need. Afterwards, I will slay the dragon myself, if it comes to that!"

"Of course, Your Highness." The Spy was careful not to let any of his sarcasm show, but The King was too excited to notice anyway.

"Well, go get ready," The King urged The Spy. "We must know the exact moment to march to The Land by The Sea, when the dragon is done."

The Spy left, wandering if the full blown war was yet the least harmful idea suggested by the Council. It never went the way as planed when the dragon was involved, and this was The Queen they were talking about. The Spy was almost curious to see what will come of this.

Of course, nothing good did.

After a couple of weeks, The Spy was delivering his report, while The King shook his head in disbelief.

"All of our border lands are turned to ash, people, livestock and crops dead, half of our army burned, the other half are being tried for treason for running away from the dragon," The Spy was telling in a monotonous voice, listing the losses.

The King sighed apathetically. "And the Queens land? What are her losses?"

"None, Your Highness." The Spy didn't even have to pretend to be calm. He sort of expected this outcome. "Her people are all alive and well."

"But how can this be! How could the dragon bypass them on his way to our land?" The King was not even angry, he looked more hurt and humiliated.

"She took them to the mountains just before the attack," replied The Spy. In retrospect, it seemed an obvious solution.

"The capable ones, yes, but what about children and elders?" The King still couldn't believe this was really happening.

"She took everyone. Livestock too, to the last chicken. She even took the crops." The Spy told the most surprising part, but The King didn't even react.

"Half of my army, all for that creature that wouldn't come out of the sea for a hundred years, if it weren't for those idiots in the Council. My bravest men..." The King moaned and The Spy left him to grieve. Maybe it will turn out for the good, eventually. Maybe now The King will come to his senses and leave The Land by The Sea alone, just like the other rulers of Kingdoms and Empires did.

Sadly, not even a week passed before The King started looking for ways to get rid of the Queen. The Spy had enough of this, and he was worried that further attempts will cost them their King, if not The Kingdom, so he went to the Head Councillor and together they turned to the Wizard for help. The Wizard was powerful, if not entirely loyal, and with enough incentive, he would hopefully cure The King of this madness.

"I have a better idea," the Wizard told them, when he heard of their requests. "Trying to enchant The King in secret might cost me my head, and as it is my most valued possession, I would rather not risk that." The Wizard grinned and The Spy felt his blood cooling. The Head Councillor, by the looks of him, was nearly peeing his pants. Nobody liked dealing with the Wizard.

"I will offer The King something he might find very valuable," the Wizard continued, "And if he will accept it, your problems will be over. If not, you will have to find someone else to help you." The Wizard showed the door and both men hurried out. The Spy was wandering if he preferred The King accepting or refusing the Wizard's offer, but as he yet had to find out what it was, the decision was hard to come up with.

The next time The Spy saw The King, he looked calm and collected. That was strange.

"Finally, I have a real, failure proof solution," The King announced. The Spy felt his heart drop. Nothing was failure proof when it came to the Queen.

"My Wizard, the most sensible man in this Kingdom, offered me the most precious gift of all," told The King, sitting straighter in his throne. "He offered me life. He made me a potion that will allow me to live at least twice as long as any man. I will outlive the damn Queen, and as soon as she dies, I will attack and conquer The Land by The Sea. If it needs to, it will be my last achievement in life, and people will sing odes about it long after I'm gone," finished The King theatrically and stood up, his face turned to the ceiling, obviously already hearing the said odes.

"Your Highness," stuttered The Spy. He was about to deliver the worst news of all, a small detail he never mentioned to The King, as it never was of any importance. Until now. "Your Highness, but what about the Queens children?"

"Children?" The King whipped his head suddenly to look at The Spy with terror in his eyes. "Do you mean to tell me the Queen has a daughter?!"

"She... she has three, Your Highness," barely whispered The Spy.

The King fainted.

Author's Note

This is a short story, written for my dear friend's birthday. She served as an inspiration for a Queen's character in this, and if you think I exaggerated her capabilities, let me assure you, I haven't done them justice.