Broken

Just read it, you know you want to.

On a chilly autumn night, the streets of Christchurch aren’t busy at all. At quarter to one, it’s merely a ghost town, devoid of the life that normally possesses it. It’s as silent as the grave. Long black shadows containing something sinister and unwanted lie in wait. Waiting for an innocent and unwary passer-by.  

I walk down the deserted street, my breath coming in puffs of white vapour, their tendrils dispersing as if they were never there. I dig my frozen hands deeper into my jacket pockets, seeking warmth, but finding none. I trudge on, my feet occasionally scuffing on the concrete. In the seemingly impenetrable silence, the sound is deafening. Last night’s fish and chips are abandoned on the sidewalk, the stench assaulting my nose, causing me to recoil in disgust. A lone car zooms past, excreting diesel into the night. Running.

I continue to walk, aimlessly, letting my feet guide me. As I turn a corner a great structure rises up, barely visible in the glow of the yolk-coloured street lights. It’s towering spires shoot up into the abyss, piercing heaven. The windows are like eyes, staring, searching.

And then it happens. It starts as barely a rumble. The unsatisfied complaint of a monster’s empty stomach. But then it growls and soon the noise is horrific. I press my hands over my ears, but the sound worms its way in. Flashes of grey and white as buildings fall, meeting their demise. Almighty crashes sound as everything around me collapses. Balconies struggle to retain a hold but fail. Glass windows crack as easily as an egg, the shiny confetti-like pieces littering the street below.

And then there is silence. A loud ominous silence. A silence that promises something wicked. Then the damaged city of Christchurch regains consciousness. Sound floods the street all at once. Car alarms blare, a dogs frightened bark echoes throughout the night. Disorientated voices adrift.

I stand and stare, shell-shocked at the devastation around me. Most of the cathedral is gone. The once tall-standing and regal building lays hunched and broken, a shell of its former glory, a spire sprawled at my feet.

A blood-curdling wail pierces my ears and I turn. There, hands furiously working at the rubble, is a panic-stricken woman, desperately trying to free an unmoving body trapped beneath the grey and dusty debris. A street light flickers on and off.

It looks like Hell itself has visited, leaving chaos in its wake. A fire engine’s sirens scream increases as it gets closer. Help is here.

Author's Note

Comments and feedback welcome :D

Reviews

[Aaron Shively]

It's engaging, that much can be said.
You have stylistic problems that can stand to be tightened up, but nothing too horrible or offputting to, well, put me off.

The biggest issue I see is sentence structure. A few of the sentences are too long for my taste. Others are fragments. Paragraph five begins with a simple sentence, followed by a fragment. To alleviate this you could revise it as: Then there is silence, loud and ominous. (You'll notice that I took off the 'and' and the beginning of that sentence. It's really not necessary, especially since it's starting a new paragraph.)

There's a few other sentences that I see as too long and at least two more fragments, but I think I can leave it up to you to spot them.

Overall, a great little piece that will hopefully lead you to grow as a writer (as all writing should).
Good luck!