My Ill-Fated Heart

A short story of love, loss, and regret. Enjoy.

It was subtle, a simple gesture of kindness that would spark a burning desire for the love in one’s heart. At first my inexperienced eyes saw this as a remark of romance, of courtship but to another is was nothing more than a formal greeting. Yet when I looked into her ever so soft and resilient eyes the thought of our short relationship becoming something more was thrust into the midst of my imagination. It started with friendly conversation, just an exchange of identities and expectations of the world, as all the while my feelings grew stronger.

 

            It had been a momentous first impression that I had given of myself, a mature, suave, and classy male that specialized in the arts of psychology and romance. I felt as if the blatant idea of love at first sight had rendered me vulnerable to the will of love. My ill-fated heart was open and my weakness, my emotions was more present than ever before. Over the next few days our words did not increase but my desire for something more outshone even the greatest of passions. It was then that I knew that I would have to put my thoughts into actions and face her as the man that I was.

 

            At first it seemed as though fate was eager to keep us separate, as every potential encounter between us seemed to constantly be interrupted by an unfortunate event. But just when I began to take hold of the reality that was my love life the moment rose into my view and without warning my heart took control. I waited for her to cross my path as it suddenly became a scene of just me and her. But when I turned to face her all my preparation was suddenly cast away into an abyss of doubt. I found myself speechless and unaware of my surroundings and yet words came forth though I was not entirely sure of what was being said.

 

            My nerves began to tremble and my youthfulness could be spotted by anyone who happened to be in the area and yet she continued to smile and laugh as though it did not really matter what was being said, just that I had attempted to express my love. But the ways of destiny have a very strange habit of teaching us lessons by setting up a perfect environment for failure. The few words that I wanted to say were never uttered but the idea that I was vaguely interested in her was all that came across towards the end of our conversation. And then it was me, yes me who turned my back on her, the previous events forever stapled into my memory.

 

For the next few days we rarely spoke, as I prayed that the message that I had sent had not gone through, praying for a second chance at love. But a second chance is twice as rare as the first and the opportunity never presented itself, or maybe I just never wanted it to come. I can look back on those days that I wasted being insecure and unsure of myself and spot many situations in which I could have easily expressed my feelings toward her but courage belongs to a lion, and I was no more than an alley cat.

 

Eventually the charm of my inexperience began to wear away up until the point of which her interest in me had declined to those of incidental acquaintances. Many told stories of her, as my grisly tale of misfortune and coward-ness never hesitated to spread its wings and soar through the ears of my peers. Some stated that she simply wanted me to say something to her while others boasted about how I had been a fool to fall in love with a girl of which I was unsure felt equally as passionate as I.  Yet none of these messages managed to break the barrier of my sub consciousness.

 

To this day we still rarely communicate as it seems as though she prefers to avoid me at all cost. Or at least that’s what I took it as. I occasionally look back on those unfortunate events and wonder why I could not do it, why I could not put my thoughts into actions. Perhaps it was fate speaking to me, telling me it would never work or maybe it was her sheer beauty that left my mind disabled and my heart terribly insecure. But whatever the case I will try to move on to another relationship, and hopefully if I ever do come across a beauty such as she my heart will remain strong-willed for only then may I have her love.