When was the last time you opened your favorite comic book? My favorite is Calvin and Hobbs because we always find Calvin in an amusing situation with a big problem. Comic books use visual medium (thought balloons, narrative boxes, page space, bold text, and exaggerated lines) to engage in dialog, move forward the story, and show the reader the plot.

This column will teach you how to write a snappy, exciting, fun-filled, attention grabbing opening sentence that will inspire and uplift your reader. The purpose of this document is to... okay... if you ever started a piece of your writing like this, don't tell me, okay?

I just gave you a good example of an opening paragraph, and a bad one. In the first, I asked you a well thought out and provocative question (right? RIGHT? Unless you hate comic books.), and immediately taught that if you can give me three things (1. a character 2. in a situation 3. with a problem) in the first sentence, I wouldn't be able to put down your work without first SOLVING the problem.

In the second paragraph, I murdered the momentum. I don't care what your seventh grade teacher taught you, telling me WHY you wrote the report/story/column/novel is not the way to begin. I don't care. And neither does anyone else. I don't want you to tell me what you are writing; I want you to show me! A comic book may take away from the imagination because it can be watched instead than read, but I want an opening statement that is just as bold, exaggerated, and visual.

Even if you are writing an expository or technical piece, these same principles apply. Open with a command, a well worded question, or something thought provoking or funny. Don't start with a quote or definition, but use a wild metaphor that initially appears to have no relation to the subject. Catch your reader off guard - just remember to wrap it all up and render any metaphors intelligible by the end. Your creative opening may become a great point of discussion to the future generations... if it makes them want to pick up and read your writing.

According to Jane Yolen, one of the world's greatest opening statements was Herman Melville's "Call me Ishmael." Why? Because the reader doesn't know if it is a request or a demand. There is a hint of mystery that makes you recall the Biblical Ishmael, who, we know, was driven into the wilderness and forgotten. What a great use of symbolism.

But Jane Yolen then discusses what would have happened had another author written it. These are all totally her work and I need give her all the credit, but I can't help sharing them. They can be found in The Alphabetics of Story by Jane Yolen:

If Dorthy Parker had written that line: Call me Ishmael. The story of a woman in love with a man who promises to phone but doesn't.

Or if Edgar Rice Burrows had written it?: Me Ishmael, you Jane. A story about a feral child brought up by whales.

Or James Joyce: Ishmael. Ishmael. Yes. And Ishmael. Yes. Ishmael. Call. And yes, yes, call.

Or Tama Janowitz: Call me a cab, Ishy.

Or Isaac Asimov? Call me Ishmael - 4000B

Or Maurice Sendak? Ishy, once, Ishy, twice, Ishy eats fish soup with rice.

Or Ogden Nash: Call me fishmeal.

Now I thought some of those were pretty good (can you imagine a college paper starting out in rhyme?). Jane's point is simple: The opening sentence is the fiber that points to and becomes the building blocks for the rest of your work. None of those openings were bad in their own realm, but they definitely didn't inspire Biblical reminders of Ishmael, and couldn't possibly begin Melville's novel. Jay Atkinson put it this way. "When a writer opens a story, rolls down the white space and hits the first line, for better or worse, the narrative course has been fixed."

As a horror author I find myself constantly commenting on opening paragraphs – especially those of other horror authors. Most people begin by fixing the setting – which is fine in a romance novel with pink bunnies and fluffy clouds – but in a horror piece, I expect action. If this can’t be done in the first sentence, at least do it in the first paragraph. Remember, setting, imagery, tone, diction, it is all important, but if you can’t grab your reader in the first paragraph, chances are they will be on to the next book that does.

Now, what if you can’t do it? Or what if you already have this fantastic piece of writing that just needs a new opening? Might I suggest you start in the middle. Find your most action packed point, and start the story there. Start with the bar fight and then go back and tell me how your character got to the bar in the first place.

And this works cross genre. Why not start your romance with the steamy love scene or your mystery with the murder? Time travel can be a theme in your science fiction, so why not use that to your advantage? The wonderful thing about writing is that you don’t have to have your beginning at the beginning, or your ending at the end.

See what I mean?