Closeted Clothes

when one is very young and loses a first love in an auto accident, how does one put those feelings into words? brokenly and awkwardly, as it turns out....

If you fall forward, my toothpick,

On my bravery rely;

Fall back if you have to…but hit ground

And you die.

Get dragged by your hair, through the thicket

I s’pose…

Go ride on the carousel with your closeted

Clothes.

If you ask me again can I give you

A whack?

I will pay for your pride, get you on the right

Track.

Please stop calling me Sunshine, I won’t be your

Flavor…

Yes, I WILL take a life, but it’ll cost you a

Favor.

Run a lap ‘round your conscience, call it 100

Meters.

Crush the corn into mash…cuz life isn’t no

Sweeter.

If a toothpick dies early does it linger

Above?

It will always be counted, remembered

With love.

 

dan © 2016

Music: “Suddenly Last Summer,” by The Motels

Author's Note

Reviews

[zaisham9393]

I think this piece is genuinely the best of what I've read today.The word choice and everything perfectly captures your emotions.
Thank you so much for sharing dan:)!!

[dan]

Zaisha, This is about my first true girlfriend; she was killed in a car crash over 40 years ago. Thank you for your kind words. take care...dan

[zaisham9393]

It's not easy and I know that when you lose someone that you love so much, there is not a day that goes by when we don't think about them, it feels so surreal.It's not easy.I am sorry to hear that dearest friend.

[ANTO]

To me, this really described how you think or how you have imagined (God knows how many times dear friend) her final seconds went and they are stunning in their violence - crushed corn - Jesus.
Such pain is threaded throughout this.
A hard write Dan. Done with dignity and a fresh rawness.

[dan]

Thank you ANTO. This, as well as all others I've written for/about her, was hard to write. Hard to correctly express loss. Hard to quantify grief. Thank you for your kind words. take care...dan

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

beautiful, emotional, powerful, amazing. i love this poem.

[dan]

Thank you, this was a tribute to my first love dying in an auto accident about 40 years ago (yes, I am THAT old). I appreciate the review. take care...dan

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

you too........

[Insight "MH"]

Nicely written emotions! Love has many ways to be expressed by, and true emotions are the fuel for every revealing piece of mind. Well done.

[dan]

This was written for a girlfriend who died over 40 years ago in an auto accident. Belated? Sure. But she pops into mind periodically and I always write something.
Thanks so much for your read/review...how did you find this poem? The reason I ask is that you've never friended me and never reviewed me before. Please don't get me wrong, I'm very glad you did. Just curious.
I'm headed over to your page now to return the favor...after that we can consider friendship? Your call. But again, thank you so much for the kind words. take care...dan

[Insight "MH"]

I really thought that you are on my friends list, but now you will be, it's my honor to have friends as you, and sorry for that loss, but that's life we must live and not forget those who are dear.
You are welcome.

[dan]

Well, I am certainly accepting your friend request...but you're honored? Hey I'm not a judge or the President, just an average starving artist. Thank you for the compliment though. take care...dan

[Insight "MH"]

It's my way of showing respect for people who deserve it, thank you.

[dan]

Well, here's MY show of respect right back atcha! take care...dan

[Insight "MH"]

Oh my, Do you think I am Indian, with all respect to India :) atcha is an Indian word and I am Arab, I will take it as if it was from my own language cause India is in Asia and my country is from there as well. Thank you, Dan.

[dan]

Insight, No I didn't think you were Indian, not that it matters to me...Arab, Israeli, Indian, Hungarian, Extraterrestrial, whatever...we are all people. Just for your info, I'm a 2nd generation Slovak-American. There, enough said.
Actually atcha is a slang for "at you." So 'right back atcha' translates to 'right back at you." Now you owe me one review for that "terrible English" lesson. take care...dan

[Insight "MH"]

Excuse my lack of knowledge. You will have 2 reviews one for the lesson and one for good luck ^_^

[Insight "MH"]

This was one of a hell of a conversation lol.

[dan]

It's not a lack of knowledge; American English is a strange language, with all kinds of slang and dialects, contractions and idioms and truisms. You seem quite knowledgeable, your English is really fluent. Did the school(s) you attended teach English? See ya...dan

[Insight "MH"]

I have a BA in English Literature, but to be honest, my grade was not that good, but eventually I benefited a little.

[stargirl23]

Beautiful write and an interesting format!

[dan]

Adi, Thank you for your kind words, very much appreciated. take care...dan

[Amber Lily]

What else could one say about a subject so dark... I could feel the downward spiral to the end. The sadness of acceptance and having to let go. Love is forever, so they will be remembered with it. Great work Dan :)

[dan]

Thank you Amber, and so sorry it took so long to answer this...I've been away for a little while. Yeah, this was a hard one to write. I've written of her years ago when it happened but nothing lately, till now. I appreciate your visit and review as always. take care...dan

[Amber Lily]

That's alright dan, I've been a little slow on my read requests lately so I know how it goes. Take care :)

[Melinda McQueen]

What a beautiful write through and through.
I not only appreciated the structure, but the emotion.
Well written.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

I'd question the authenticity of it... I'll explain.
While we're expressing feelings, the poems about it are not... What's the word... "Put in order." or "well constructed " they're mostly just messy, and brutally honest, full of chaotic emotions, or dominated by a single depressing feeling. That is of course... When the writer writes while the feelings are fresh, and he or she doesn't care about anything, but getting it out. the feeling.
this is true, especially with young writers.
On the other hand, this is a wisely constructed poem. no doubts, it's great. and gets full rating from me.

[Rafy T.Nym]

Here's another piece of beautiful poem! While I was reading the poem, the most wonderful thing that caught my attention is the 'Free and broken expression' of the young one, as if she(or he?) was telling her story and describing her feeling by her own words.

Toothpick? This imagery seems quite sweet in this poem, but toothpicks also sting, must not forget that.

Overall, nicely and wisely constructed poem.