Bubbles

Trancendence

Everything was almost perfect

The ducks

All lined up In a row

Except for one duck

Who was coming soon

I thought

So I waited

A long long time

 

I could wait 

I had the time 

Especially knowing

Everything is perfect now...

It was all part of the plan

It was all meant to be

In fact

It was all happening just the way

It was supposed to

Oh yes

Perfect

In every way

Here and now...

Except for that.

My ship was going to sail in soon

So I could wait.

I had waited this long

I could wait a little longer

But...

Why did there have to be so many commercials?

I couldn't pin it down

It was vexacious

Waiting, waiting, waiting

For success

Enlightenment

And of course my soul mate.

All coming soon

Just around the corner... After these important messages...

 

Dreams of hope so glorious

So full of joy...

But now

I'm done with waiting

I've wandered off

And lost my place in line.

Letting go of dreams

While dreaming Now I watch 

Bubbles on the morning air

Shimmering rainbows

Popping...

Like they were never there.

Author's Note

Reviews are much appreciated. What do you think?

Reviews

[Tbear]

I had pictured in my mind a hunter at first or a person sitting on a park bench and the ducks either being real or symbols..loved the flow and how the commercial breaks came in..it developed so nicely ..I totally can relate ..wondering myself at how much life passes me by..

I do wonder if you made some typos with your It's...reading 'It's was' in 4 of your lines kept the piece from reading smoothly..I had to keep rereading... still.. enjoyed it .. write on..

[Chip Murison]

Thanks a lot for your review and also for bringing the typos to my attention. I fixed that.

[Davidgeo]

"It's was all mildly annoying" fix that.

You're flow is jarring but not on purpose so I would re work this.. that is a subjective comment that may mean nothing. I may just have to read it again.

I like the concept quite a bit. Bubbles... fleeting life in a dew drop or something like that.

[Chip Murison]

Thanks for the suggestion. I made a couple of edits.

[Lorry]

Wow, well I love this and it's the first of yours I have read, so kudos on that. A great way of unwinding a story with many facets, yet that one small thing means that perfection evades us once more. Is it any wonder that life is full of if only's and what if's? Bubbles popping is exactly what comes to mind when thinking of how near, yet far we came. Superb write.

[Chip Murison]

Thanks Nemo!

[Stan Lee]

The ducks rarely line up how we expect them to do they? Interesting metaphors throughout your poem Chip. :) Stay inspired!

[Chip Murison]

True. There is always something missing. First Nobel Truth - "Life is suffering."
Which isn't so terrible so long as you understand it. :-)