Ring sting

Ring sting

A Poem by robing123456
"

its about the surprise i had this morning

"
I awoke with a mild burning,
for the toilet i was yearning,
out of bed with my a*s clenched tight,
just getting there would be a fight.

i waddled down the passageway,
to make the poop that starts the day,
i hurried or it would be to late,
Unfortunately, i knew my fate.

it spewed forth just like hot lava,
destroying my brand new pyjama,
i rushed right in, slammed the door,
i squirted out a little more.

i sat down and dropped the load,
thick and dark, could tar a road,
i felt as though the fires of hell,
fell from my a*s and brought this smell.

after an hour i felt weak, 
could hardly part my lips to speak,
i just managed to reach the roll,
wipe my a*s and flush the bowl.

washed my hands and had a drink,
couldnt breath through my nose - an awful stink,
i was glad that it was done,
but i will keep that feeling in my bum. 

© 2013 robing123456



Author's Note

robing123456
its my first try, dont be mean!

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Featured Review

OMG....OMG....OMG!!!
*tears*
I'm laughing my a** off!!! I know it's not ladylike of me, but this just makes me laugh....tickled me pink, you did!...still laughing....whew!

Okay, I have to get my thoughts together for this one....

First of all, the rhythm of this was spot on....second the topic is familiar (we are all human right?) :D
and third of all I felt your pain...seriously, I loved this hilarious, lighthearted piece!

You tagged some funny words to go along with this write..."Romance, love"..what Romance? (I guess yearning for the toilet counts) he he :D :D
Such a hoot! Going in my faves....sounds weird, but that's my sense of humor today. :)




Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

robing123456

4 Years Ago

thanks for the kind words. I will be sure to cook up more crude poems in the future
Robbie~xoxo~

4 Years Ago

I enjoyed reading it....looking forward to the next. :)


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Reviews

Hmm...

Posted 4 Years Ago


For your first try you did very good..........BUTT.....your subject matter stinks dude :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

larryb

4 Years Ago

My ma always told me .....Son the way to always remember if you put your underwear on right is Yello.. read more
robing123456

4 Years Ago

wise words. perhaps a good business idea there...
larryb

4 Years Ago

Sure Multi color underwear ...it might be bigger than the George Foreman Grill
OMG....OMG....OMG!!!
*tears*
I'm laughing my a** off!!! I know it's not ladylike of me, but this just makes me laugh....tickled me pink, you did!...still laughing....whew!

Okay, I have to get my thoughts together for this one....

First of all, the rhythm of this was spot on....second the topic is familiar (we are all human right?) :D
and third of all I felt your pain...seriously, I loved this hilarious, lighthearted piece!

You tagged some funny words to go along with this write..."Romance, love"..what Romance? (I guess yearning for the toilet counts) he he :D :D
Such a hoot! Going in my faves....sounds weird, but that's my sense of humor today. :)




Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

robing123456

4 Years Ago

thanks for the kind words. I will be sure to cook up more crude poems in the future
Robbie~xoxo~

4 Years Ago

I enjoyed reading it....looking forward to the next. :)
Definitely interesting, very funny and original.
Overall I think it's a good piece. Like Brandon said, the structure and flow are good and I think this definitely gives a good idea of the great things you could do with other less crude subjects. ;)
The only thing I'd like to mention is the double use of "was" in the second line, I think you repeated it, and it didn't seem like it would have been on purpose.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

robing123456

4 Years Ago

must have been the rush for the bathroom. thanks.
This poem made me laugh at several points, its a bit crude but hey. Overall I think the structure works well and the flow is good, well done

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

robing123456

4 Years Ago

thanks for the comment. you were my first ever

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447 Views
5 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 13, 2013
Last Updated on January 22, 2013
Tags: poop, action, romance, love

Author

robing123456
robing123456

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