Reality Check

The first ever OT/Robyn collaboration.

Shoved into conformity, 
raping your arms and minds with stringent poison 
to escape the pending darkness,
Volcanic confusion
impassioned infusion 
eloping with the fallen shadow of pitiful disgrace
in a hopeless mess of succinct enforcement, 
tied to the depths of your despair
chained to your office
on a train to nowhere, 
powered by the disillusionment of a promised utopia

Dragging its heels, the sun laughs
throwing emblazoned rays 
at your deleterious suburbia
barring the view of a terrain barren to truth
as your mistress puts on her scarlet stilettos,
her tight little dress, spaghetti straps holstering
marionette limbs and pulled apron strings
painted lips, smoke stained kisses,
and a tainted heart
sterile with lies

Apathy, sympathy, empathy, misanthropy 
a few thoughts that weigh on your tresses 
as you chase the shadow of former glory, promised to you 
upon your arrival
falling through the sky, like the snow forming powder
which steals your thoughts
and numbs the expectancies of success
as you chase the promotion
trapped in an ink smeared dream

Shackled to the floors, crippled knees
aged in the allotment of time
tending to crops of deceit
as poison tendrils wrap around your heart
like the sticky finger prints of marital bliss
as you combust in an avalanche of numbers,
apple pie and black coffee dreams
illusions of happiness
baked in her oven of conceit

Rattling on, full steam ahead
the soft velour caressing your travels
softening the blow of the realisation which escapes your glassine mind
as you feed off the lies imbued in subtle pills
driving onwards
homeward bound to marital cotton,
the glowing embers of humanity sleeps between the sheets
smothered by spawn, haunted at night
lust flickers to grey
on a train to nowhere
powered in fact by a dystopian reality

Reviews

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

Wow... This is so deep and saturated with negative emotions I'm not sure where to start with this review.

To me reading this poem was a little like drinking poison and the resulting journey. It begins very angrily with pain and language that could never be thought of as ambivalent. Life is a "hopeless mess", a "train to nowhere" as we explore the "depths of your despair". Then the second stanza comes where the focus is on aspects of life outside the personal. In this poem even the sun has become a sarcastic, vicious critic! There is no escape, the damage is done and the third stanza brings a more hopeless, helpless tone of apathy and broken promises. The next stanza is more like the onset of death with dissolution coming as the body combusts in your "avalanche of numbers". The final stanza is perhaps something akin to a horrible after-life. We are "homeward bound" but on a "train to nowhere" - it's all too horrible to contemplate.

This is a very powerful poem. You have an excellent grasp of language and the skill to take the reader on a journey: in this case perhaps to a place they're probably reluctant to go!

[Matthew D. Ford]

I like this a lot. It's your typical poems of despair, yet "un-typical", diving much deeper than ever before with so many metaphors your head will spin. A great write!

[Magdelena]

Deep and oh so dang awesome.. I would say more but I think EH stole all my words..
This was something else and you, my friend, are one heck of a writer.. Whoa!!
Mags xx

[Calypso]

The personification was good. I loved the line 'the sun laughs'.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Robyn/OT,

This is truly wonderful work. But you need to rein it in a bit and get tighter. Your ability to express is wonderful. Your vocabulary/word choice is exceptional and used with great success, but with this flowery speech don't loose the message. It comes through, but it is getting a bit more vague in the process. Don't forget the power of a Hemingway with the simplest of speech. We are in the end simple creatures. You need to speak to our souls as much as our minds. (I wish we already would have overcome this, but the truth is we haven't.) So I would prefer (a bit) more focused meaning and less flowery language that can sometimes get in the way.

So, what is the summary? This is a phenomenal write. And with the highest of compliments, I think it can even be better--can you imagine since it's already so good?!! So I'd tone it back a notch and spend some time making sure the message is crystal clear and unmistakeable. Then this piece will melt the soul.

I am very impressed with this. Extremely high marks. Congratulations. One doesn't read a piece of this quality too often on WC.

Best regards,

Rick

[Launa'sWrite]

Jeez, you're a genius! It does flow very well, and it is jam packed with imagery, and metaphore. I liked it a lot.

[Albert-Hanson]

Like it very muchflows very very well

[Doreen]

You guys are going to have me put down my pencil and walk away. If this is the start of greater things to come, I fold.
This is nightmare meets reality and explosions. I don't use the word often, as I feel it gets overused, but I can say in this case:
This is freakin' awesome.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

this is probably the best poem I've read all week! :)
don't let anyone discourage you in your writing! your an awesome writer!

[Justin Littlefield]

I really can't even begin to imagine how deep your writing is going to be in the future, considering it's intensity and depth as of now. You're a natural and you have a bright tomorrow ahead with the way you craft your skill. Now, this piece here, again, blares loudly of the distinct voice you've developed. It's darkness possesses power. I really like the way you portray people and ideas (throughout a few of your poems) of being false. This marionette metaphor might even be the most staggering. You're unbelievable and I admire your passion. (When I was your age all I cared about was getting drunk and skateboarding lol)