I'm ok.

I thought about the city lights
And driving around at 8 p.m.
with a good friend.
And the sky getting darker
And the lights getting brighter.
I imagined the subtlety,
and the cool wind blowing,
passing through the car.
I imagined the summer nights,
and that deep dark blue sky,
that only occurred
right after the setting of the sun.
And I imagined the radio blasting
And the music filling my with joy
And I smiled.

I closed my eyes.
And this time when I opened them,
I was driving through the woods.
And it was quiet and serene.
It reminded me of where I grew up.
And we drove passed a river
And the moon reflected off the water
and it filtered through the trees.
I took one last good look.

I closed my eyes once more.
And I was wrapped in hug,
from whom I didn't know.
I didn't want to yet either,
because I was focused on the feeling.
I knew it was from someone who cared
and truly loved me.
It was from someone who wanted to protect me.
It was someone to show me that I'm safe.
And the hot tears started to come up from my eyes,
in the greatest amount,
and started to glide down my face,
like a babbling brook.
One last time,
I dared to open my eyes,
just to see who really cared.

When I did,
there was no one else with me.
I was alone in my room,
with my knees balled to my chest.
It had been my arms I felt.
I was the only person I could rely on.
I had no one.
I don't think I ever will,
because everyone leaves in the end.
And I'm always left behind.

The tears started to slow
and I took a deep breath.
I focused on my steady heart beat.
It was calm.
It was normal.
I focused on my thoughts
and my breathing.
I took in my surroundings.
I was alive.
And for a moment,
I was ok.