Twilight

A tale of a lonely soul

Twilight

On a delicate grass hill I lay, gazing at the twilight

I wonder if Ill ever know, what love is like first site.

I see young couples holding hands, im sure it’s a delight.

But I know, that I will never, have one to hold at night.

Yet still I hope, a day will come  where I will meet the one

Who will be with me the end of day, and the greetings of the sun

When we meet, I’ll truly know my life has just begun

And when we part, my life comes close to none

But still I know, deep inside, that love is not for me

Although its dark, although its bleak, it’s my reality

Love is not for all, and that I now see

The sun is now set, my soul is set free

Author's Note

Any constructive criticism would be appreciated! thanks for reading!!

Reviews

[Adrienne]

That may be how you feel.
But love's for everyone, wait and see... Time will tell :)
Loved it, rolled off the toungue very well,
review some of mine somtime =]

[DaGirlNxtDoor]

WOw i loved it such a good write! you really rock at writing poems!

[jessie]

wonderful! i just dont believe that love is not for everybody i believe that everybody made on the planet is here for a reason and that everybody has a perfect soul mate.

[hola amigo's/amiga's]

nice I really luved this just like i luv u and P.S.: i agree with the typo errors and the punctuation marks that u have made thanks and write me back thanks.

[Tony Hwilka]

I think the subject manner is good but I believe the poem needs work with the English and imagery.
Keep writing Tony

[poetic soul]

wow!! this is an amazing concept to write about.....especially the end was classy....... love is not for all.....the sun is set and my soul is free............kudos to u man!!!!
loved this verse....

:) Smiles,
Poetic Soul

P.S.: i agree with the typo errors and the punctuation marks.....

[She-Ra]

time and pain tend to give us necessary closure leading to unwanted content

[Red Brick Keshner]

Let's deal with the typos first: Ill to I'll; first site to first sight; im to I'm; its dark to it's dark; its bleak to it's bleak.

The commas can be dropped and probably should be on this line "But I know, that I will never, have one to hold at night." to: But I know that I will never have one to hold at night.

Yet and still have very similar function. Choose one over the other to tighten the line. I prefer "still' over yet. It tends to give a determined and stronger hope and desire. Yet kind of sounds too passive. Again the comma is not really necessary: Still I hope a day will come where I will meet the one.

But and still also serve the same purpose. I would choose 'but' over still in this case: But I know deep inside that love is not for me.

the only other comment I could give at this junction is that the bulk of the poem sets up the question, 'Why is love not for this particular person?' And the poem did not really tackle that. And saying thus, to say, "Love is not for all, and that I now see" tells the reader that the person in the poem has received enlightenment but has not shared it. In that sense it may feel kind of cut short.

But that's just the opinion of one reader. Hope it is of some use to you. Cheers.

[Greg Skura]

Love emanates from all that is, so it is hard to say that love is not for me. now falling in love is a hard thing as we fall due our own sense of self created ideas and imaginings of how love should be. Love exists and if you do not look for it, love will be revealed. i enjoyed your poem thank you for sharing!

[It'sLexiB47]

i like this one but i just seems kinda choppy and i thoguth it was kinda hard to imagine the flow of words you were trying to use
i liket he concept though
good write =]