The Peasant and His Lady

This is a poem from when I first got into writing. It tells a sad story of a love that could never be . . .

On a terrace of her manor, he could see her from the field

With skin of alabaster and eyes to make men yield

His body was hard from toil, and his hands were always rough

To touch her supple skin just once would be enough

 

With dirt under his fingernails, how could he ever hold her hand?

How could a worker of the soil love a peer of the land?

As he worked he stole glances from beneath his sweating brow

And he dreamt of the day he could trade her hand for his plow

 

But the day finally came when suitors came to court

With blood more noble than his, only they could join the sport

They came bearing gifts, and riches backed their charm

None of this could be given by the man who worked the farm

 

The peasant watched in silence as the lady gave her hand

To some prestigious lord from some prestigious land

No longer did he steal glances at the life he wished he'd led

He stayed and worked the field that made his lord and ladys' bread

Reviews

[Whisperer]

I think this one is my favorite of yours. I love the longing ache that you show so clearly in every line... awesome!

[Nevah Ann]

Aww, :( I was hoping he would get the woman. This is sad, but really well written. Good job! :)

[Jason Henry]

awww...now i'm all sad :(
like seriously...this was one of those poems you can't help but feel all sympathetic for the character(s). a great read...

[Ari]

As someone who doesn't much care for rhyme, I wasn't expecting to like this, but you really show the emotion of the story. I was so caught up in the poor peasant's impossible dream that the mechanics of the poem faded into the background. That, in my opinion, is a sign of excellent writing.

[Carissa]

Great job! That was a well-written poem; an excellent kick start into the art of writing.

[Legion]

Very well done for when you first got into writing. Flows nicely and the rhyme scheme is excellent. Does not feel coerced or forced at all. Well done.

Two things you might consider changing though.

"And he dreamt of the day he could trade her hand with his plow" - this line doesn't quiet work right. I would suggest changing "trade her hand with his plow" to "trade her hand for this plow" or maybe use the word "vow" in there instead (wedding vow, for instance).

"To some prestigious lord from some prestigious land" - the over use of prestigious in this line kills the effect. Perhaps change the first "prestigious" to "pompous" or something derogative to the lord along that line.

Other than that, wonderfully done. Oh, forgot one thing. The title should be "The Peasant and His Lady". No "d" in peasant.