What Is She Thinking

The she in this poem is my older sister. I wrote this so she could see and hear the damage that she does to me.

I look at her and wonder..... What is she thinking? I mean I know what she's thinking, she thinking "This girl is no like me so she has to be a threat to me". Even though the reality is I look at her and see this beautiful girl no young woman. She has a smile to light up a room, a personality to make a depressed person happy. She has her families approval. She knows who she wants to be, what she wants to do and how she wants to get there. But me I m stuck with this face and this personality and knowing nothing about my future because every time I get an idea i depend on the approval of friends and family and her. But I don't get the approval because it's always the same answers "That's not good for you" and "That wont make you happy"  and everyone's favorite "That wont make me proud". It's not about you it's about me but I can't tell them that because I care about their feeling. She on the other hand does not. She doesn't care about what they say or feel. I want to be like that, I want to not care about these problems. I want to be like her because she is always happy and she is always right but it seems like whenever I try I am always wrong. I look and seek her approval but all I get is "You can do better" or "You aren't good enough" or her favorite "You will ever be good enough". Then I start to go insane and I look at and I wonder..... What is she thinking? 

Author's Note

What do you guys think? Be honest I want to improve.