FIFTY LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENTS

I wish I had more to report by way of my life's accomplishments, but I've done my best.

 

1. I kicked the doctor who slapped me at birth.

2. I made cupcakes out of backyard dirt.

3. When I was six I tied my sister with rope

4. And because of the F-word, I tasted soap.

5. That same year I ran away from school.

6. A kid called me “Pewee”; I wasn’t cool.

7. At seven I reached the age of reason,

8. But little I did proved my brain was in season.

9. At eight or nine I wrote my first poem.

10. My father said, “We have a Dante at home!”

11. In school I was at the top of my class,

12. But the teacher felt I was a pain in the a*s,

13. So she sat me in the back out of the way.

14. At nine I fell in love with Donna May.

15. When I was ten I hit a homer for the team,

16. But they kicked me out; they said I was mean.

17. At eleven I started collecting bottle caps,

18. That I traded for baseball picture stats.

19. At twelve we moved and I lost my collection.

20. That same year pimples marred my complexion.

21. At fifteen I wrote an award-winning essay

22. That was printed in The New York News one Sunday.

23. At sixteen my sister taught me how to dance.

24. It gave me an edge in the art of romance.

25. At seventeen I drove my first car.

26. The following year it took me to bars.

27. At eighteen I graduated with the highest G.P.A.

28. I went to college to earn my B.A.

29. I excelled there too but mostly with girls.

30. My grades took a dive. I had a whirl!

31. At twenty-four I earned my degree

32. And left America to live in Italy.

33. The year I spent there I remember so well.

34. I ate so much spaghetti my belly went to hell.

35. At twenty-five I began teaching in a middle school

36. But twelve years later earned an MBA

37. And headed for New York to earn better pay.

38. At thirty-three I married the girl of my dreams.

39. I never thought she’d be the reason for my nightmare screams.

40. At forty-seven I got a divorce.

41. No wife and no children made me free as a horse.

42. For fourteen years I owned a poetry mag

43. But it was too much work, so I finally let it lag.

44. At fifty-five I met my rightful soul mate.

45. All good things come to him who waits.

46. I’ve written ten books and saw my work in print

47. Here and abroad. It keeps me in the pink

48. To spend my time writing now that I’m retired.

49. At sixty-seven, I still think I am wired

50. To go on making each day a new accomplishment!

 

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