Tumbled Red Pen

Whisper what you don't want to hear.
Slave the words with
                    matchbook passion.
Be the beginning.
           Forget the ending.
Go forward in a tumbled red pen
                            sort of world.
Eradicate the obvious
                           and
accept the hinges just as they are.
Be for freedom, and so,
           you can be as whipped
                       as you want to be.
Monsters live in the closets.
Monsters live on the streets.
Detours and signs,
                 signs and detours.
Doors closed.
Windows broken.
We cannot be the flags
                        of restless defeat.
Only in hot water do boiling leeches
                                     make sense.
Jingle jangle envelopes and
                     slippery sliding stamps.
We run, and as we do,
                     our shoes bring us
                                back to
                                     the
          groaning lisp of messages
                     we'll never send.

Reviews

[freelancejouster]

i find like one description or metaphor or interesting aspect of each of your poems and sort of just latch onto it. you do wonderful things with fantasy

[Gordon]

I agree with Warren, the style is unique but it might do more harm then good. I guess if you and I were reviewing this over a beer or six, you might be able to explain some of the lines to me in a way that I might really start to appreciate the poem as a whole. It has some great lines and some that look like they're random thoughts. "Only in boiling water do boiling leeches make sense" Huh? Get me a beer please - lol On the other hand, "Go forward in a tumbled red pen sort of world" seems quite an intriguing line. Also, I'd be interested to see how this would look in a more traditional format. Your mind is in the right place for poetry, just quirky enough, just imaginative enough, kinda in a tumbled red pen sort of way.

[Holly M. May]

This is a very lovely poem, and it's very touching and just gorgeous. I love the way the lines are broken up and it really helps set the tone of how broken up you are inside. I really enjoyed this. =3

[Sarah]

Realy sad but nice.

[Sometimes Blood]

Your words are beautiful even in the sadness of the verse...

[Manpreet]

I am a "fan of your writing style" and yet again mesmerised by the lines" We run, and as we do, our shoes bring us back to the groaning lisp of messages we'll never send." exotic simply amazing way of expression!

[Bailey B.]

I really love this one! The odd and quirky structure is what caught me first. Then I re-read it and the imagery is creative and nicely done. Excelent read!

[Warren L.G De Mills]

interesting, honestly this odd structure really hampered me appreciating the actual content a bit though it is quite original and everything. I'm not bashing your unique style, matter of fact I like it but it was a bit to hectic for me

[Robbie]

I love the creative imagery of word weaved through this! I enjoyed reading such an imaginative concept in this piece. Brilliant write!

[Michael West]

nice poem