Alzheimer's

Just a sudden wave of emotions on the topic of Dementia. Was inspired by scientific insights (which are hopefully accurate...) and a very amazing novel I'm currently reading- Still Alice.

June 23, 2015. Tuesday.

Morning routine- wake up, make the bed, brush my teeth…

Checked. The ushe. 

Tick tock, tick tock, 

I have a penchant for staring at the mechanical oscillations of the pendulum on the grandfather’s clock

As if the undulation of the air surrounding it gets to my head,

Clears my mind a little.

But I lose momentum, what next?

Is it… the morning run? Is it… the laundry?

Not again. The sprint along the circuits of my brain.

Shag, yet the synapses continue to betray me.

No, I hear them. I hear them mocking me. In the most devious ways possible.

I try to shut them off. Focus on the unnerving mantra of the clock.

Tick tock, tick tock.

With the passing seconds, minutes, my neurons continue to die,

The neurotransmitters cease to work.

Squat in the middle of the living room, knees to chest, fingers tousling my hair

Lost in familiarity.

Oh, the kitchen. Breakfast.

I lift myself up. I am a warrior, and I will fight today.

Antioxidants- yogurt with blueberries, dark chocolate. Tea for a slight dose of caffeine.

Because I keep myself awake every night. Fear.

The fear of forgetting how to tie my shoelaces tomorrow. 

The dread of plunging into sudden nescience, or oblivion.

Not knowing who I am anymore.

Perhaps when I’m awake I can subconsciously thwart the shriveling of my cortex

Retain some more memory

Bludgeon the f*****g Alzheimer’s.

Yeah, time for the meds- Aricept, Exelon, Namenda, Vitamins C and E…

As if they work.

Yet cardinally, I retrieve the plastic pill organizer from the tabletop.

What day is it again?

June… Was it the 22nd? 13th maybe? Monday? Tuesday? Or Wednesday?

Quietus.