His Last Breath

Wasting away,

like every other day.

He didn't want to stay,

but he didn't know what to say.

The noose around his neck,

he knew he wouldn't regret.

Goodbye, 

he said with his last breath

then he left.

Reviews

[Thaddius]

This is short and powerful. I applaud you for your command of rhyme. I would make these changes:

Wasting away, like
Every other day.
He didn't want to stay,
but couldn't find a
way to say.
The noose around his neck he
knew he'd not regret
Goodbye,
he sighed with his last breath and
then he left.

I was able to make it sound better because you laid the foundation, a very concise, raw and profound poem. Good work and concept. And of course my changes are just a suggestion. I also like the idea of rewriting it with even less rhyme - I just picked one direction to go in

[Shaquana Adams]

he knew he wouldn't regret.
Goodbye,

I like the permanence in this poem. It reminds me of the fact that people say goodbye, wanting it to be permanent, but half the time it's not. And it ends up being a bad thing. Great write :)

[a schizophrenic writer]

thanks for reviewing.Im gladyou liked it!