Happiness of You

     What am I getting myself into? What kind of mess? Such a hard question to answer for myself. But it’s the only one on my mind at the moment, as I look out the window again and sigh. I should be working. I should be drawing this little bit of…failure that I’m going to get done anyway because I promised a friend I would. A friend who wasn’t doing this to me. A friend who I knew I could trust.
     Except I’m not working on it. Instead, it’s sitting on the table in front of me, half-finished and has been for a good five minutes. The pencil is still in my hand. I just go on staring out the window guiltily. 
     The computer is sitting on the other side of the room. The messenger window for you is open. There’s a question on the screen. One I haven’t answered and don’t want to. Not yet. I want to return the favor of letting you wait until you can’t stand it anymore, then making you message me again just to get a response. Yet it feels so wrong. I feel nauseous, wrapping an arm across my stomach, wanting to go over there and respond, knowing I should continue trying to draw my own badly-done drawings.
     I told you the other day that I would let you trust me. After months of telling you not to trust me, you wore me down and I said you could, with another warning that you’d get hurt. Now I just know, I know, I’ll lose you the next time you do get hurt. Because you’ll blame me for it. Because you trusted me.
     Should I make that now, with something small, so it doesn’t hurt either of us as much? Or should I wait, let it be something big, and have you learn your lesson that I really wasn’t meant to be your friend? I was always supposed to be in the background, after all. 
     The indecision makes me clench my jaw as I look over at the computer. You’ve added something else. You’re not hurt. How much longer without replying would it take to make you hurt? I don’t think I’ll know any time soon, having given up on my other projects for the day to keep you happy with me.

Author's Note

Review, please!

Reviews

[Mioki]

This writing makes me very curious...
Although I'll keep my questions to myself for now ;D

This piece is well written as your writings tend to be. I really think if you decide to publish, you probably won't need an editor, because you take such care before finish a write.

The emotion in this piece, and curiosity it arises in the reader, is very powerful. You do have a way with involving your reader, while still making your writes strictly personal.

Ah, I will stop going on now. This is a very interesting piece, I'm glad I was able to read it ;D