No escape... (poem)

No escape from this dirty place...

Those daggers and guns taken from my hands

Replaced with fists, stronger than ever

Ready to give punches

To anyone who comes

in my way

My heart, weak in love

Strong in anger

Repeatedly beats to leave this place

Asking forgiveness for the sins

It told me to commit

Everywhere I see

people shooting looks at me

and whispering dirty stuff

This place isn't greater than hell

But there ain't much of a difference either

My hands, tortured with handcuffs

Soon turning tomato red

Begging to be released

but don't know that there isn't an escape

from this dirty place

Reviews

[Najam Us Saher]

Harsh truth of reality was beautifully portrayed.
My heart weak in love but strong in anger is a very well penned phrase.
'Asking forgiveness for the sins it told me to commit'
This sentence speaks a lot our heart misguides us firstly an then beg mercy for repent. I loved that sentence a lot it is so relatable and very thoughtful.
Thank you so much for sharing this poem :)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

greatly written...i loved this work of yours.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you!!

[Zephyr]

As always you express well Shaan:)
Another great poem!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Neetha!! :)

[heartspeaks]

This place isn't greater than hell
But there ain't much of a difference either..
Great personation.

Asking forgiveness for the sins
It told me to commit..
Deep ...very true indeed.

Those daggers and guns taken from my hands
Replaced with fists, stronger than ever
Ready to give punches
To anyone who comes
in my way

This is my fav para...
The way pain and anger when try to control become so powerful strength to overcome everything. ..

(Comic touch: first para also shows action...eye-catching😂)
Another great writing. ..keep it up...looking forward for more

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Heart! :)
I really appreciate it

[Sofia]

Impressive as always. "This place isn't greater than hell
But there ain't much of a difference either" I loved these lines. Your poems are a wonder in themselves. Keep writing :)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Sofia! :)
Really appreciated

[Sofia]

My pleasure!

[L.C. Jarrette]

with fists, stronger than ever
Ready to give punches
To anyone who comes
in my way

My heart, weak in love
Strong in anger
Repeatedly beats to leave this place
Asking forgiveness for the sins
It told me to commit


=> i love this line.i can totally relate to it.
sometimes you feel that you don't care anymore and anytime you are going to burst if anyone gets in the way.

[Mr.Writer]

I agree, sometimes we would just end up losing control due to holding everything in...
Thank you! :)

[Zoya]

A well-crafted dark piece.
I just felt that you should change the word 'greater' in the fourth line of the third stanza...maybe with 'fouler'...or any other word of your choice...cause you're trying to sound gloomy here, and I'm not too sure, but greater carries a positive connotation. Maybe you're being mordant there, but, all the same...it's totally up to you if you want to change it or not. Overall, a poem that binds the reader till the very end, yeah no escape for us either...lol. Enjoyed reading it!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Zoe! :)
I really appreciate the feedback and most likely fouler would sound better

[Zoya]

I suppose...you're most welcome

[mae23]

The way you mixed vernacular and the common diction used in poetry creates a main character for the poem. Really liked the emotions: longing, pleading, wanting - that were conveyed in this as well. Very good piece!

[Sam]

I liked the inventive way you described, the pain and anger. it was really goo!

[Prashant Bajpai]

very well framed brother good work done