Ripped life

Ripped life

A Poem by Mr.Writer

Timid self
feeling lost
needs the way
back home

blurry vision
cannot see 
needs to ask
someone 

shaky hands
cannot hold onto
the trees 
for support

injured legs
warm blood 'n sweat
drippin down
cannot move no more

cannot stand up
falling 'n stumbling
'n crashing into
everything 

broken bones
to never mend
and show
the way back











© 2017 Mr.Writer



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Reviews

*Welcome to "Pure Rhymes" Thanks for joining, great to have you...!*

Sup, Mr. Writer...! Long time no see...! Hope you have been well.
A well constructed and sounded out sense of despondency... Crash... Stop... Crack... Stop... The flow moves with comforting sway of discomfort... With blurry eyes I finish this one... Someone show me something to hold onto... A tree will do...

Posted 3 Months Ago


Mr.Writer

3 Months Ago

Heyy Silente! Thnx so much! :)
Silente

3 Months Ago

My pleasure...!
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BBP
Like the desperate nature here. A ripped open soul spilling truth

Posted 3 Months Ago


Mr.Writer

3 Months Ago

Thanks!! :)
I like the struggle portrayed in this, it's physical and visceral and emotional as well. It's also very well structured, not a word wasted. Good job.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Mr.Writer

3 Months Ago

Thank you Inda!! :)
"cannot move no more" is redundant (the "not" and "no"). "cannot move more" is how it should read.

This is otherwise so profound and thought-provoking, I really have nothing more to say about this. Well done!

Posted 4 Months Ago


Mr.Writer

4 Months Ago

Thank you Emi!! :)
emipoemi

4 Months Ago

my pleasure.
I thoroughly liked the short but catchy lines:)
sadness reflects in your poems...
Good at portraying feelings.
Thanks for sharing:)

Posted 4 Months Ago


Mr.Writer

4 Months Ago

Thanks Neetha! :)
Neetha

4 Months Ago

Welcome dear!
This is more than just physical pain. You made the readers dig into the mind of the person's feelings and emotions that arises from what causes it to be. Well done Mr. Writer.

Sincerely,
CAPOLAVORO

Posted 5 Months Ago


Powerful and strong words shared my friend. I liked the realness of the words. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 5 Months Ago


Every one of us is or feels broken in some way!
That feeling is a part of being human!
thank you for sharing :)!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Mr.Writer

5 Months Ago

Thank you and no prob! 😆
zaisham9393

5 Months Ago

You're welcome!
I hope you liked my philosophical review lol :D
I liked the expression of one's self in each stanza. The way you described and wrote about 'need' clearly shows that you yearn for someone to be with you.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Mr.Writer

5 Months Ago

Thank you Najam :)
Najam Us Saher

5 Months Ago

You're welcome :)
THe way you presented it is good. and the poem is also very well written...
keep on writing.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Mr.Writer

5 Months Ago

Thank you Priyanshi! :)

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Added on September 20, 2017
Last Updated on September 20, 2017

Author

Mr.Writer
Mr.Writer

Toronto, Ontario, Canada



About
First of all... I love to write! It has always been my passion to write since... last year! :D I can easily pour my emotions in writing without telling them to anyone. I love to review people's work.. more..

Writing

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