Blackboard

Blackboard

A Poem by Shahrukh
"

This is what everyone story is and most of you can relate to it.

"
It all started with a small Blackboard"
which used to be my writing board "

Life was going  much better toward-
But a lot of things was still Unexplored"

with all the minds in chessboard ''
And all the balance in Skateboard🏂

suddenly the results in bulletin board"
and happily I  shifted to Oxford🏢

Where blackboard  was changed to whiteboard-
As my skateboard got replaced by surfboard🏄

With all the complaints about food and switchboard 🎛
To our non responsive landlord '🏻

Apart from studies, I practiced a lot on dartboard🎯
So that I can also set up a world record🏆

The little hardwork by me roared 🦁
And a MNC took me onboard '‍'

And as an IT professional'‍'
I am just left with KEYBOARD ⌨& DASHBOARD"

This is not it , still the whole world🌍
Needs to be explored. ✈

© 2017 Shahrukh



Author's Note

Shahrukh
Just let me know your reviews , I am new to writerscafe.
help me with your support & love.

My Review

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Featured Review

I really loved the visuals (emojis) you put. It's really interesting to see some creativity.

"This is not it , still the whole world🌍
Needs to be explored. ✈" A great way to end your poem. It leaves impact on the reader and indicates that the poem can be extended. I appreciate this post on my group; Writing Prompts. I will make sure to credit you if I use it as a prompt in my future writings.

This poem really indeed is a story of growth and transition as indicated by the two lines;

"It all started with a small Blackboard"
&
"Where blackboard was changed to whiteboard-"
================
I really loved this as this is relatable and presents deeper meaning within your poem.

*This poem is strongly structured in terms of format. I see the last words are relatively rhyming and your consistent stanza format.

Maybe you could add different pattern variations in terms of your syllables. Poetry is YOUR art. Paint it the way you like. For instance, the number of syllables could be 8,9,8,9,7,8,9.

{Just a small thought about the grammar though...maybe keep it consistent?}

TO EXTEND YOUR WRITING FOR BOTH DEVELOPMENTAL PURPOSES FOR YOUR WRITING STYLE:

Overall. Your poem seems to be "too much telling". There is not much detail of how the narrator of this poem is feeling. I also suggest you add some context on the person's point of view. Also, for a challenge, try adding a bit of volume by both your word choice (that suits both the context and structure of the poem) and adding some imagery.


For instance (if you were to slightly change the format/structure of this poem), [It all started with a small Blackboard"] Say what the person feels about the blackboard. Is he/she fine with her blackboard? Did he/she want to change from blackboard to something different? Does the blackboard represent a feeling?

E.g.

It all started with a small Blackboard
The blackboard that swirled with the deep memories I hoarded
It now used to be my only writing board

And as for imagery, E.g.

The little hard work by me roared...
Roared like a lion, resonating through the world
And a MNC took me onboard '‍

Fundamentally, start experimenting with your writing style. Practice and experience is crucial. Start exposing yourself to other people's writing style to urge yours. Remember, it's your art!

I encourage you to write and share more of your poems. I really enjoyed this one.

*P.S. It would be nice for you to put it on a larger font. Sorry. Despite my young age I tend to forget to get my glasses. BTW Good Read!

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Shahrukh

1 Week Ago

Hi SachikoMochiko,

I am very much impressed by your deep dive review , will sure try .. read more



Reviews

I really loved the visuals (emojis) you put. It's really interesting to see some creativity.

"This is not it , still the whole world🌍
Needs to be explored. ✈" A great way to end your poem. It leaves impact on the reader and indicates that the poem can be extended. I appreciate this post on my group; Writing Prompts. I will make sure to credit you if I use it as a prompt in my future writings.

This poem really indeed is a story of growth and transition as indicated by the two lines;

"It all started with a small Blackboard"
&
"Where blackboard was changed to whiteboard-"
================
I really loved this as this is relatable and presents deeper meaning within your poem.

*This poem is strongly structured in terms of format. I see the last words are relatively rhyming and your consistent stanza format.

Maybe you could add different pattern variations in terms of your syllables. Poetry is YOUR art. Paint it the way you like. For instance, the number of syllables could be 8,9,8,9,7,8,9.

{Just a small thought about the grammar though...maybe keep it consistent?}

TO EXTEND YOUR WRITING FOR BOTH DEVELOPMENTAL PURPOSES FOR YOUR WRITING STYLE:

Overall. Your poem seems to be "too much telling". There is not much detail of how the narrator of this poem is feeling. I also suggest you add some context on the person's point of view. Also, for a challenge, try adding a bit of volume by both your word choice (that suits both the context and structure of the poem) and adding some imagery.


For instance (if you were to slightly change the format/structure of this poem), [It all started with a small Blackboard"] Say what the person feels about the blackboard. Is he/she fine with her blackboard? Did he/she want to change from blackboard to something different? Does the blackboard represent a feeling?

E.g.

It all started with a small Blackboard
The blackboard that swirled with the deep memories I hoarded
It now used to be my only writing board

And as for imagery, E.g.

The little hard work by me roared...
Roared like a lion, resonating through the world
And a MNC took me onboard '‍

Fundamentally, start experimenting with your writing style. Practice and experience is crucial. Start exposing yourself to other people's writing style to urge yours. Remember, it's your art!

I encourage you to write and share more of your poems. I really enjoyed this one.

*P.S. It would be nice for you to put it on a larger font. Sorry. Despite my young age I tend to forget to get my glasses. BTW Good Read!

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Shahrukh

1 Week Ago

Hi SachikoMochiko,

I am very much impressed by your deep dive review , will sure try .. read more

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Added on November 30, 2017
Last Updated on November 30, 2017
Tags: #blackboard #writerscafe #school

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