Silhouette in Shackles

Possessiveness, bondage, shadows, self esteem, freedom, shallimarRose, poetry

She is but a shadow,

She makes no move alone;

A silhouette in shackles,

she dare not leave her home...

 

If I could see beyond her smile

what would her sad eyes tell?

I watch her drift from room to room,

I know those rooms too well....

 

Suddenly she's looking back,

she sees me pass her by.

I know if she could budge the door,

that silhouette would fly....

 

She is but a silhouette,

he's the keeper of the key.

That silhouette in shackles,

in the mirror......only me....

© 2000 bj Smith 

aka shallimarRose 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For more shallimarRose Poetry titles visit my table of contents in my blog...

 

Bits of Me...Table of Contents by title...

 

 

 

Author's Note

feel free to comment/critique. ty for reading

Reviews

[shallimarRose]

Thank you ShallimarRose and good friend for sharing this piece with us... even if it's 13 years ago, it's still as powerful as it is. I feel you carry such a strong bond with this person, and maybe it's family. You help this person through thick and thin, and be as strong as a rock in the sea for this person. It's a lovely heart you have, I felt that. I hope things, are better now... very beautifully crafted. hugs Eli.

- Elisa

[shallimarRose]

Thank you very much my sweet friend.. Glad you enjoyed.. xo Rose

You're ever so welcome dear... I love your quill, and come by for more! xoxo Eli

[shallimarRose]

thank you there is plenty here just browse titles.. huggs

I will.... :D can't wait till tomorrow, (just having vacation now for three weeks) I will be a lot on the road, but where there is Wifi, I'm on... ;) and will catch up for more! xxx HUGS! :D can't wait!

[Ian Faraway]

I always thought that rhymes restricted my word choice and made it more difficult to convey the message I wanted to get across. It's why I do mostly free verse. I never seem to find the right mixture of flow, rhyme, and meaning that I want to get across. You did a good job with it in this piece. I got the impression that the poem was about someone who felt like a stranger to themselves because they were in a relationship where the person had no freedom. I'm not sure if it's the message you meant to convey but either way, it's was a tragically beautiful read for me. Good job! Keep writing!

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

Well done, your words truly sat with me after reading. Excellent piece.

[Dye]

So nicely written...reminds me of a past relationship. Very relatable indeed. Thanks for sharing this.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you for reading Dye.. xo

[Poetic Beauty]

I think many times in life we look in the mirror wondering how we have gotten to where we are and feeling trapped in a situation or place we don't want to be in. I love the details of this piece and the creativeness with the silhouette.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you for reading Poetic.. xo

[Poetic Beauty]

Anytime. I am on and off again on here when life gets busy but when I am on I am looking for the people's work I know and love and new pieces and people to read as well. I need to get back to my creative poetry group. It has been awhile since I updated it and I know I have pieces there to read as well.

[shallimarRose]

I have an erotica group and a poetry group on another site but right now mostly here only.. Its difficult to do anything right now.. home caring my mom 24/7... we do what we can when we can and thats all anyone can ask.. I was in several on myspace also but gone now..

[Poetic Beauty]

That is the beauty about this site. I have found you can drift away and many of the faces are the same when you return waiting to hear from you again. Writing is a get way to release those emotions when caring for a loved one. I helped take care of my grandma and then when she passed helped with the care of my grandpa. I was in my early 20s then. Not sure how I did all the things I had to do but in my own personal belief God gave me the strength and kept me going.

[Jon Roggie]

Nice write. Seems like we are both here for the same reason. Just to write.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jon.. Sometimes the reflection speaks in bleeding ink.. Nice to meet you. shallimarRose

[shallimarRose]

I like your avatar.. Desert tortoise? wears a shell for protection... Very nice..

[Jon Roggie]

Part of my childhood. Plus I had to pick a nickname. I now give rides to a pixie and a flutterby in a garden. lol.

[Einstein Noodle]

i love this. it speaks for so many women. (i know..i am a minority man in a nurse world) those shackles can be soft restraints all the way to hard and very cruel steel. i can see why you have won contests with this (read some of the other comments). the title grabbed me and its form of graceful curves intrigued me. then i read it and all of it fit. no need to read again to understand or feel it; but read it again for its significance. nice work says i.
E.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you E. I hope you will continue to read from me.. My poetry is from my heart and many come with a significant message.. (well except for the erotica im trying... lol) Thanks for reading and the very nice comments.. xo Rose

[Cassie]

Your authors note...no critique to give this is good, you do really nice job writing and am glad to have a great poet as you my friend..Shalimar...I love that name

[shallimarRose]

Yes I know and I want pictures of your baby daughter shallimar when she is born... shalimar the perfume is spelled actually with one l but i use tow.. Thanks for reading Cassie.. huggs!

[Cassie]

Thank you dear..hugs hugs, now my mind is going on a trail by thoughts of Shalimar..haha!!!

[shallimarRose]

lol.. I love the name also..

[Ruth]

I enjoyed the steady flow to this, superb...made my heart ache! x

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Poppy.. Yes I have got a lot of rave reviews on the rhyme and meter in this one as well as Rain Rhapsody.. I try now to write a lot of free verse but i have to try so hard.. I wrote nothing but rhyme until about three years ago. Many publishers and editors prefer free verse.. I know not why. Thanks again. glad you enjoyed. xo

[Ruth]

So welcome love! x

[bobc]

I like this piece but I would still make a suggestion.

Others may disagree but I think it's Important for most poems that rhyme in this way to maintain the metre. When that changes, it has a jarring affect. The best way I've found to check if I have the metre right is to read the piece aloud. When the number of syllables in the lines change, i.e. too many or too few in a line, I can feel the pace I'm using to read it changes.

Just an idea for you...bobc

[shallimarRose]

Bob I wrote this over twenty years ago and it has been published once and wone several contests over the years including for its time and meter....... Are you talking about the change in rhythem and tempo in the last line? Because that was done intentionally and to me out loud this piece is flawless... The funny the advice you just gave me is the exact same advice I send to others.. I read everything aloud to complete a poem.. so I agree with the syllable count in some cases but not all. Thank you for reading and for your honest critique.. always accepted with grace.. xo

[bobc]

Chacun à son goût as they say in French, each to his own taste. I wasn't commenting on the last line. ...bobc

[shallimarRose]

OK sweetie... I understand.. I know the syllable count is not the same in each line as it is also not the same in many famous poems.. For me it is a perfect rhyme and meter.. but like you say each to their own liking... read Rain rhapsody , serindipity or a womens serenade for more rhyme and meter from me if you like.. then let me know what you think. I will be looking into your writing this afternoon. honest critique always.. xo