Churning

Song inspired pic from Google Images

 

 

 

There’s a color in the rainbow

that I cannot quite recall

it’s colors drawn from everything

yet with no color at all

 

 Cumulus clouds softly gather

just like cotton candy dreams

hovering in uncertainty

perhaps life's not what it seems

 

It's reminding me of something

is it something I forgot

I cannot get a sense of it

was it something I had sought?

 

Within the windmills of the mind

lie the circles of a storm

is this something quite the norm?

 

Like a world winds of emotions

and sandcastles washed away

then once upon a time was new

was it forever yesterday?

 

 Kaleidoscope within my brain

mirrored imaged every side

bursting into vibrant colors

of the things I've tried to hide

 

forgotten  fragments blown away

silent sounds on muted breeze

yet in my head a tempo pounds

and it brings me to my knees

 

 like wind chimed echo's haunting me

 in minds hollow how they dwell

they are my thoughts of yesterday

I thought I knew them well

 

Tunnel vision spectrums

in blinded light no longer seize

deafening, these silent sounds

a polaroid frame freeze

 

Still they're churning in my brain

thoughts continually stir

my life's become a mystery

filled with memories that blur

 

 

© bj smith

aka shallimarRose

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

This song always boggled my mind.. Comments and critique welcome...thanx

Reviews

[Riding the Rainbow]

really deep piece..
thank you for sharing it with us..

[shallimarRose]

Thank you and you are welcome.. Rose

[icelandicblue]

Our minds are a whirlwind of activity. There are shadows and light and they play against the backdrop of our emotions. You've captured this mysterious place of clarity and obfuscation that swirls around your rhyme and imagery.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you.. The song is one I have always loved and felt very poetic. I hope I did it justice.. xo Rose

[Hatchling]

Amazing poem shallimarRose ! Keep up the great work

[shallimarRose]

Thanks shy... always.. xo Rose

[MsJewel]

Rose, Struggling to remember something tucked away in a distant memory is frustrating and yet you have described this so beautifully. I love the softness in your writing. Stunning poetry my friend.
:) Julie

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Julie.. awww, sweet compliment.. hugs... Rose

[Jack...]

The mind definitely has many caverns and dark corners where we store thoughts away, but my sweet friend, this I think, was not written of the mind, but written of the heart, for it holds so much tenderness, even in the shaded areas. Lovely sweet Rose.

[shallimarRose]

Smiling... thank you Jack.. for coming to read and the lovely review.. xo

[ron]

This is beautiful Rose. trying to remember things that are just beyond our memories. I know the sensation.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Ron for coming to read from me. Im glad you liked this one.. I have always been intrigued by that song. xo Rose

[ron]

Your most welcome Rose. xo

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

The mind is a very mysterious thing, as we age it plays more tricks on us like sometimes mixing certain memories together... then you mix in the imagination trying to change details of memories...

Any ways this poem is outstanding. The combination of your thoughts and creative expression left me captivated.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Cowboy for stopping by to read. Always makes me smile to see ole' Taz on my pages.. xo Rose

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Always a pleasure to peek inside you xo

[jacob erin-cilberto]

really liket this piece, Rose...sweet..

jacob

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jacob. I took your suggestions and keep making little changes. Hope its better now.. xo

[Aethereal]

This is a beautiful poem as it is, and I’d like to see the final version some day. I was inspired to write the first verse as the following quatrain which you may keep as your own since I use most of your words and ideas in it: It’s in /0/0/ five syllable meter. Here we have a hue that represents the mysterious:

Mystic Hue

There’s a rainbow hue,
that’s hard to recall
drawn from everything
that’s no hue at all.

[shallimarRose]

I thank you for reading and your little verse here.. Your verse does not feel the flow and tempo of the music I have chosen I don't think. My rhyme comes naturally since I was a baby and is all done by ear.. I use my poetic license to break the rules.. I rarely count syllables as it is not necessary for the rhyme. In many cases a tight syllable count will actually stifle the flow.. I read them both out loud several times.. I think mine feels less forced? Also color and hue are not quite the same thing and color is my intended meaning.... There can be many hues to one color.. thus the gradual change from color to color in the rainbow. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to review and write that for me.. xo Rose

[Aethereal]

I didn't mean my quatrain to be better than yours. It's just another way of expressing the same theme. The third dictionary meaning of hue is that it's " a particular shade or tint of a given color. The second dictionary meaning is the one that you are using. In this case a hue is a position on the color spectrum. We're both correct depending on which dictionary meaning we use. If your poem is meant to follow the given tempo of the music chosen, then mine is surely of another tempo. All I did here is turn an orange into an apple. One is as good as the other.

[shallimarRose]

Awww, I didn't say you thought it was better hun.. I just didn't know if you meant for me to consider changing mine.. which I actually did consider.. but it didn't seem to work as well. No offense was taken or intended.. I didn't use a dictionary? I just always from photography that a hue was not the same as the main color.. the color is blue the hue (or shade) is in that color spectrum and may be teal, turquoise, periwinkle etc... I am probably thinking in primary colors?
Ill have to look it up, now you got me second guessing.. lol
thanks again..

[Aethereal]

I did say that your poem was beautiful just as it is. I'm using Webster's New World College Dictionary for my meaning of hue. Every hue is a mix of the primary colors. There's no primary color that we can't recall being that there are only three. There may be a hue that we can't recall.

[shallimarRose]

Yeah im just seeing that.. I think hue might work if I changed it around a bit .. I used hue somewhere in the poem just not in that first stanza... I will probably change a few things as I go about my day.. just did this this morning and its 5 m here so ive been up awhile lol.. im going back to bed.. ;)

[Aethereal]

Sweet dreams! If you just wrote this today, then you did quite well. I was going to add more quatrains, but this is your theme domain and not mine. You know best what you're feeling.

[shallimarRose]

lol feel free to place what you want in the review ... well I began it last night then woke in the wee hours and finished it.. I actually write quite fast some of my poems are 5 or 10 minutes.. some of my best were done as a exercise to a 3 minute egg timer lol... my problem is I always felt to tamper with what came from my ink so effortlessly was not good.. So I have hundreds and hundreds now that I am trying to edit..

[Aethereal]

If you say so then I'll add more quatrains to my gift review poems in the future. It's hard to believe that you have hundreds and hundreds of unfinished poems that need editing. Because my poems follow such a tight structure they don't have anywhere else to go but where I leave 'em when they're finished so I have no poems that need editing.

[shallimarRose]

sure thing.. :)