Kid's Love

This poem is about a little guy proposing to a girl and stammering when he is asked about the definition of love, read fully to know how he manages it...

              



Boy:
Hey love, Take this lovely red rose,
Plucked from the garden, I carefully chose,
Whose petals so soft!
With rose in a hand and with other his cap he doffed.

Girl:
I’ll take your lovely rose,
And next to me you can sit so close,
Only if you tell me what is love?
If you say it clear, I’ll do the ones I said above.

Boy:
Love is like honey to the bee,

love is like salt and the sea,
Err…Give me one-day time, I can think and say,

Else you may go and i wont come your way.

Girl:
Love is simple, yet so tough!
You needn’t think more and this is enough,
I love you for your simple smile,
Come lets join hands and walk for a while.

Boy:
Never did I think I’d clear so fast,
I thought answer should be deep and vast,
Happy that you love me too,
This moment, is a truth or dream, I’ve no clue!


Girl:
Pinch yourself and you’ll know what it is,
Or just keep wondering and your guitar class you'll miss,
Lets get a candy and bite into two,
Half for me and other half for you!

Boy:
You are my little princess from now on,
I’ll wake up thinking of you, at dawn!
You made me happy and I love you so much,
Softer than this rose is your tender touch.


Big Brother/Sister!

Mar 21, 2010

• For the Kiddos
• Kid's Love

3rd Place

Jul 5, 2010

• Writing for Children
• Kid's Love

Reviews

[deeps]

This is a wonderful and touching write.
I like this write alot.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your winning poem!

[vyshu]

its was really awesome and those lines are really heart touching ..its really very cute and cute ... i loved it ...

[maryjaneuy]

oh! really cute! definitely one of my favorites!!
really love this. great poem of yours, as usual. :D
keep it up!

[Simple_mee]

Cute...really cute.
I enjoyed reading every line. It was soooo lovely... ;)

[Rachael]

This is sooo cute. I love the language used, it kind of sounds a bit like older english, yet has the modern feel of it. Awesome flow and nice rhyming. Not a thing to change in this: perfect!!

[Dev]

This was really cute just the pink is too bright !!! :)
The girl's thoughts are deep as compared to her age .. Yah Girls are smarter :P

[Samuel Dickens]

Boy, if I'd known there was such power in poetry when I was twelve, I'd have gotten myself a girlfriend for sure. There's nothing sweeter than young, innocent romance. Some very nice writing, Poet's World.

[emmajoy]

There is so much good in this poem, some lovely phrasing, some charming thoughts.

However, I think it would be far better expressed between older would-be lovers and, as another reviewer says, keep it plain because the colours break the continuity of the piece.

Your English is extraordinarily good so I won't comment about that .. but think you could avoid the need to always have rhyming words at the end of lines. As long as the meter's good, that's fine. For example not sure about the following:

Love is like honey to bees,*
Love blends well like bread, jam and cheese,*
Love is like water to fish,*
Err…Give me one-day time, I can think and finish *

Your writing is always a delight to read so please don't think me mean in any way, just trying to helop - as you asked.

[An owl on the moon]

There is such a beautiful tenderness here. Truly a lifting poem that displays for us the simplicity of true love... Beautifully expressed in your form and flow!