Break The Bottle

Break The Bottle

A Poem by ShameemAkhtar

Stand up
Stand up and fall


Fall
In the eyes
Fall in the eyes of alcohol
But stand


On the ground


Stand up
And count


Count


The empty bottles
That fall you


Your honour


Empty the bottles
In the gutter


Make not
A stomach of your gutter


Get the guts
To stand up


And count


On yourself


Stay away from the ground
Bury the bottle
But not in your stomach


Stand up against
The bottle
Stand up
For yourself


Shy away
And make the bottle shy

Fight


And break
The bottle
Not yourself


Break the bottle
On your hand
And stand firm


Someone please


Cleanse my blood
The alcohol poisons
The poison of pain
Which poisons
The poison of love


Someone help
Me


Stand up


© 2011 ShameemAkhtar



Author's Note

ShameemAkhtar
Just playing with words...

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Featured Review

I can certainly attest to breaking the bottle; to break the habbit, to break yourself from taking another drink...! I grew up with an alcholic mother, bottle always in her hand or at her lips... A lot of heartache came from that bottle and from her delerium of alcoholism. It is a painful slap in the face of past resentment and a hurt that will forever be in the back of my mind. But today she drinks no more and I have forgiven her for the pain and the abuse she put myself and my siblings through due to heavy drink. Today I have my mother back and I am most greatfull that she was able to finaly break the bottle...!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I knew the minute I saw "alcohol" what kind of poem this was going to be, and sadly I was right. The positioning and flow of your are good, but the subject matter has been to done to death, past cliche. I think if you left out bottle and alcohol, it would create vagueness and mystery and take the poem where it would really like to go. Just my humble suggestion. Thank you for posting.

Posted 4 Years Ago


nice this will be really good to tell an alcoholic to stop drinking and this was really good keep writing :)

Posted 5 Years Ago


sometimes the words shape the feelings, and then there are those times when the feelings shape the words...

and when the readers feelings match up

well then you connected.

Posted 5 Years Ago


I enjoyed this. Keep on penning.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Stand up, stay away, break, shy away, break, bury......all are action verbs that provoke action and choice to stop self medicating. The choice to heal and clense the blood. As a painter.....I can see a shattered booze bottle surrounded by a puddle of blood. Sounds violent..........yet real. It poisons the blood and shatters lives.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

That was more than word play...
I feel what you are trying to express.
My advice.

Get in a tiny bit deeper.
Give us the image...
Give us truth,
albeit vague it will hit the target.
i believe in you.
You stand up.
Spit it.
Can't wait to hear the voice of you!

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

good one

Posted 5 Years Ago


A very strong poem. It flows like a liquid from a bottle.

Posted 5 Years Ago


love can be a sickness .. or a cure. with much wisdom comes much sorrow..solomon..what comes with love??

Posted 6 Years Ago


Really nice! People really need to learn that drinking doesn't solve any of your problems they only create more problems. Even though you were playing around with words i thought that it was good.

Posted 6 Years Ago



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47 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on August 30, 2011
Last Updated on August 30, 2011

Author

ShameemAkhtar
ShameemAkhtar

Port Louis, Mauritius



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Project Manager, Catalyst Business Solutions slave of the modern world and demands of an overwhelming job... more..

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