When We Were

Eager souls intertwine through the branches of mistakes
mishaps brought us to new heights & then they pumped the breaks
look me in my eyes, stare right through me please
I need something more than this to keep my heart at ease
Gather your thoughts and spit them at me in riddles & rhymes
Remind me of all we shared, don’t leave out the rough times
ill lead you to dark corners to unmask that lie of a grin
I’ll show you to the world and i’ll point out every sin
All of this will be said and done and still I shall remain
For your heart and my heart were weld together this way

Reviews

[emmy bon]

nice, well penned.

[b.platte]

thanks :)

[Mystik]

i like it, truly beautiful

[b.platte]

Thank you :)

[Kelsey]

Wow. That's truly the first word that came to my mind. Beautiful was the second. Inspiring, the third. This is just lovely in every way. Amazing job, writing about love is definitely your strong point.

[b.platte]

thanks! Those were very nice words used to describe this, and it means a lot.

Funny you should say that. I've never actually been in love myself. Could have sworn I was a few times though. ;)

[Kelsey]

I hope that when your first love finds you, you're still on this site, because the writing that comes of that will be an unthinkable thing. (:

[b.platte]

ha. If I'm not, I'll come back on just to write about it.

[MachinaWriter]

Wow, I loved this. It described the brutal honesty of love, the need to know their faults as well as their attributes. Wonderful. Thanks for sharing it.

[b.platte]

:) thanks so much!

[Mia]

This is so great! I really enjoyed it. One thing...maybe you could structure it better. How would you say this? How would you want it read? Here's how I read it and would have said it...
Eagar souls intertwine
through the branches of mistakes
mishaps brought us to new heights
and then they pumped the breaks

Look me in the eyes,
stare right through me please...etc
I hope that makes sense...I'm not sure how to explain what I mean...just a suggestion :)

[b.platte]

Thanks. Yeah I'll have to go an fix that. Im reading it on my phone now and I don't know why its broken up that way. I like your advice though! Thanks for the feedback!

[Mia]

I'm glad :) I try my best to help. You are very welcome!