Silver

Meek and muffled
he shutters his discontent
you stalk him with impure eyes 
& his soul is bent
broken and balled up
tossed away with neglect
he’s been harboring 
too many emotions to dissect
depressed yesterday and
in harmony tomorrow
you exude just one, apathy,
he wished to borrow
hedonistic rituals 
push him along this road
he grasped his heart and 
switched it to robotic mode
a devilish grin spreads 
across an empty face
he’ll track down the motive
at his own pace
You won first place unscathed,
in a secret race unfair
Second place,
he claims his prize,
tomorrows of despair

Reviews

[emmy bon]

this is good and well writing. well done

[Sophy.]

This is extremely good! Like everyone else said, the rhythm is fantastic and overall this is very well written.

[b.platte]

Thankyou! :)

[Mystik]

very well written. :)

[b.platte]

thank you

[Kelsey]

One of my favorite things I've ever read of yours. Great job. (:

[b.platte]

:) Thanks

[Salma]

I love your poem. Thanks for sharing it. I never would have found an amazing poem like yours if you didn't.. :D

[b.platte]

Awe, that was sweet. Thank you for reading!

[MachinaWriter]

Wow, wonderful rhythm. Absolutely amazing. This has to be one of my favorite poems by you. The line:

'You won first place unscathed'

Such a wonderful rhythm. That's my favorite line, but the whole thing is amazing. Thanks for sharing this ^^ Though, I'd recommend one little thing. I feel like it should be "switched it to robotic mode", simply because the line before it said "grasped" and the switch from past to present tense throws it off a little. A minor thing, but all in all great work :)

[b.platte]

Thanks! And good catch. I'm gonna go and fix that now :)

[Allyson Wolfe]

I love your rhyme scheme! Your message is clear and concise and your topic is enthralling. Great work!

[b.platte]

sweet, thanks! :)