Promising Words

The beginning and ending of love, if there is such a thing.

Her lungs burned from holding her breath, until the hammering of her heart finally made its way to her ears, reminding her to breathe again.

 

“Are you gonna say something back?” Kate asked, almost pleading.

 

Emily’s words were pounding at her lips, begging to be set free. She opened her mouth and the oxygen blew her words away as she gasped, trying to control her breathing.

“I knew it. It’s not okay. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

 

She watched as Kate threw her hands over her eyes and slid them up, smoothing out her hair.

 

“No.” It came out more of a croak as Emily shook her head and reached for the other girl’s wrists, peeling them away from her face.

 

She took in her blotchy face and reddening eyes. Her heart swelled in her chest and she knew that even like this she would never be able to deny her beauty. She pulled her closer until they were centimeters apart; until their bodies were flush together; until she could feel her hot breath against her own lips.

 

“Say it again.” Emily spoke in a gentle whisper through her own dumbfounded smile. 

 

The girl who just gave her heart away, who just took a giant leap while blindfolded, spluttered, too confounded and happy at the same time to keep it together. She choked back a sob as a warm smile smoothed over her frown.

 

“I love you, Em. I’m so in love with you I can feel it all over and I think I might die if you don’t say it back.”

 

She’s said it back before, a hundred times. ‘I love you.’ But this time it meant so much more. It wasn’t enough to just speak the words that were still stuck in her throat.

 

Emily surged forward and kissed Kate hard on the mouth. She melted into it, trying to give herself away in a single gesture. Wet lips slid over wet lips and the world stilled for an instant. When she pulled back and opened her mouth the words she always felt finally let themselves loose.

 

“I love you with my whole everything and I’ll always say it back.” 

 

That was how it started. That was the day Emily made the only promise she cared about enough to never break. And when she heard Kate say, “I love you.” Just as she felt death tugging at her soul, she knew saying it back would be the last thing she’d ever say. It was almost inaudible. Kate wouldn’t have even heard it if she wasn’t leaning into Emily, head buried in her shoulder and grey hair spilling over her neck.

 

Kate peeled back and looked into those eyes she never thought she would see dull so quickly and Emily spoke before she knew they would close forever.

 

“I love you with my whole everything that has always been yours.”

 

A calm smile closed pink lips and before her eyelids finally drooped closed, Emily looked at the love of her life one last time. Her heart slowed to a thrum and she knew that even like this, 82 years old, wrinkles, and reddening eyes that she would never be able to deny her beauty.

 

Kate thought she’d die if Emily didn’t say it back, turns out she was wrong.

 

Their children watched through the hospital room window as they lost both of their mothers that night. One right after the other. Because when your whole everything dies, so do you. 

Reviews

[Claire Twinn]

A beautiful love story, enduring love is so special. Many elderly couples die within a very short space of each other, which is both sad and touching.

[tamsin]

A lovely story. I am going to try and give you a proper review.
I like the first section, but if it had been up to me I would have finished it at the part that ends with Emily feeling death tugging at her soul. This is a really strong, emotive sentence, because you leave it up to the reader to write the ending. For instance does she feel that way because she doesn't love Kate, or because she's actually dying.
This is well writen, and enjoyable, you are very talented.

[b.platte]

Thanks for the review. And while I appreciate your input, Kate and Emily love each other and die together. I do like writing things where the readers get to decide what happens. Not in this case though. I always love different takes on my writing, but as a writer sometimes I get to know my characters. So I couldn't do that to them.

:)

[Captivating Ink]

This was absolutely beautiful. And, quite honestly, when I find that one person I love with everything I have (hopefully!), I hope to die just like that. We wait a good portion of our lives for love so why should we have to wait after we have found it, too? It seems a bit cruel to me, and unfortunatly, it happens often. One partner simply outlives the other. I love how this defies all of that. It was very well written, and it made me smile :)

[b.platte]

I'm glad this made you smile :) Your review made me smile. lol.

Yes, I don't like to think about people in love outliving each other. Because then they either live a lonely life waiting to die or they find someone else to love. Then we get into the whole thing of when everyone is dead who gets together in heaven? I don't think heaven allows polygamy...

Thanks for the review!

[Ricky G]

I have a serious problem with this. From 'That was how it started' all the way through '...able to deny her beauty' I have trouble keeping up with which one is speaking. One thing I learned in news reporting was to be careful in the use of pronouns. While you were writing this you had a clear picture of Kate and Emily and you knew exactly what words belonged each. I had to read through all of it a couple of times to get it all straight in my mind, and that spoils the effect.

Quite possibly no one else has had this problem, but I would suggest you need to clarify who says what. It's a beautiful story, but for me the picture was blurred because of the confusion in my mind over who said what.

Also the line 'Kate thought she would die...turns out she was wrong' confused me a bit because immediately we discover that both have died.

The story idea is excellent, but for slow brains like mine a bit sharper focus is needed.

[b.platte]

I'll look into that, definitely. I welcome constructive criticism like this. I'l go back and try to fix the pronouns so the speaker/ thinker is more identifiable.

When Kate thinks she would have died, it's referring back to when she told Emily that she would die if Emily didn't tell her that she loved her back. Emily's last words were that she loved Kate, but Kate still died regardless. I was going for a parallel effect from their first "I love you"s to their last.

Thank you for reading and reviewing so honestly.

[Marie]

To love with your whole everything is really to love...makes me think of a phrase: "The world well lost for love..."

[b.platte]

Well thank you. Great phrase.

[Mia]

This is beautiful! Thank you for writing this! It's perfect and it’s not the conventional love but I love how you didn't make that a big deal, it was just a love story and that is beautiful. This made me cry! Just one thing I spotted...” Just a*s she felt death tugging at her soul” I'm sure you meant as not a*s :)

[b.platte]

I literally just laughed out loud... I definitely meant as. Thanks for the kind words and the edit. :) I'm gonna go and fix that now.

[Mia]

Haha :D It's my pleasure!

[MachinaWriter]

This was really heartwarming. It made me think of the ending of The Notebook, when the old couple lay together in bed at the end and both slip away from the world. Very touching.

[b.platte]

I love the Notebook. Thanks for the comparison, I definitely thought of that when I wrote the ending.

[Kelsey]

Your writing is so touching, for lack of a better word. It just really speaks to the heart in such a beautiful way, a way only love and love stories can. Absolutely wonderful job.

[b.platte]

Thanks! That's really great to hear :)